Posts Tagged: Dudes

Why You Should Never Call Before a First Date

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, comedy writer (and interim Hairpin editor!) Michelle Markowitz tells us more about contemporary dating communications etiquette.

Swingers, 2014. (Addendum: none of my advice to guy friends has ever actually worked)

— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) August 7, 2014

Michelle! So what happened here?

One of my guy friends was telling me about a girl that he was going to ask out. He was asking if he should text her to ask when she could talk on the phone, thinking that if the phone [...]


Ask Polly: How Do I Stop Meeting Arrogant, Mentally Ill Pricks?

Hi Polly,

I finally have been hired for my dream internship, in my field, and utilizing my educational background. In a large international megapolis. But….

After years of dating, I am writing to you for some guidance on how to approach dating abroad/in a totally new place. I recently broke up with the last of a slew of asshole, arrogant, mentally ill prick boyfriends. One of whom raped me, resulting in years of difficult, but productive therapy. I feel like I am in a good place and want to date someone who is professional, reasonable and you know—cool. Not a meanie.

I am just really worried about ways [...]


"How to Look Like Ryan Gosling"

Local straight man actually funny.


Ask Polly: I Want to Get Laid But I'm Afraid of Oppressing Women

Dear Polly,

First of all, let me assure you, I feel like a huge asshole just for asking this, but I've been chewing on this question on and off for more than a year without any real resolution, so I thought I'd turn to you. Here's the deal: I'm wondering whether I'm abusing feminist ideology in order to justify a natural shyness around women and, if so, whether you could find me a new narrative that would help me feel less bad about acknowledging and acting on attractions.

I've always been seriously shy about any aspect of dating, sex, hooking up, whatever. It's not that I have trouble interacting [...]


The Way We Brawl At Baby Showers Now

"Three men and a 14-year-old boy have been arrested in connection with a violent brawl at a Massachusetts baby shower in which bottles and punches were thrown and furniture was smashed." —If you're expecting a baby and wondering whether guys should be invited to the baby shower, let this serve as a reminder that the answer is always "no."


Sex Offender Week: Feminism for Young Dudes

This week, we'll be running an essay a day about the state of being men and women. Welcome to Sex Offender Week-it's just like Shark Week, but without sharks and with angry blog comments!

Hey man. Got a question for you. Have you ever, as a red-blooded hetero dude, had sex before? Yeah? Pretty boss, right?! Well, you should hug a feminist! If you happen to be dating one, this should be pretty easy. (Unless you've been a dumbass to her recently; and hey, we've all been there.)   Now, if you're thinking, feminist? Hey fuck that noise, I ain't huggin' any hairy-legged broad for nothing, my main [...]


I Failed To Monetize My Life As A Dating Blogger

It had been six months since I quit, but I still managed to bring up the blog within 15 minutes of meeting Lauren.

We were at my go-to first date spot, a subterranean bar with shuffleboard and ping-pong in case the conversation flagged. When she asked what I did for a living, I dispatched with my day job in a few sentences before admitting, with false embarrassment, that I was also an aspiring writer.

The required follow-up question—"What kind of stuff do you write?"—was barely out of her mouth before I slipped into my spiel: "It’s a little embarrassing, but I used to be a dating blogger for Glamour [...]


"You don't have to move to Silicon Valley to date the next Mark Zuckerberg."

Which one of these dudes with venture capital would you do? All/none? Yes/no? It's not a trick question, take your time.


The Men's Room: Man v. Tool Academy

This season's winner of Tool Academy, a reality show on VH1 in which awful mostly-male people are tricked into going to couples' therapy in order to make them better mostly-boyfriends, was an aspiring professional wrestler named Jacob, or "J.T. Extreme." In the final episode, we were treated to an apparently sincere ceremony in which Jacob sacrificed, as a sign of his romantic contrition, his leopard-print leotard and banana hammock on a fire, causing an entire nation to mentally smell the worst smell anyone has ever smelled. (I imagined a toaster which has been turned on, smeared with Icy Hot, and stuffed with an large chunk of runny Camembert. What [...]