This should help you plan out your Thanksgiving coping mechanism.
"In decades past, clinical trials found that drugs were hugely effective, compared to placebo, a new study reveals. Newer drugs, on the other hand, are often only just slightly better than placebo, Reuters reported. The study looked at drugs of all types, treating everything from infections to mental illness to cancer."
Well, this is very disturbing. In an apparent effort to challenge his old Three 6 Mafia partner Juicy J for the title of hip-hop's "No. 1 get-high rapper," the self-proclaimed "King of Memphis" DJ Paul does so many drugs in his new video that he has a heart attack and dies. (Kids don't follow!) Calling oneself the "King of Memphis" is pretty cool, though, in that it places DJ Paul in the line of Old Kingdom Egyptian pharaohs like Menes and Djoser, under the protection of the god of carpentry and metalworking, Ptah, or "Lord of Truth."
Man, D'Angelo really picked a challenging time for a comeback as neo-soul's alpha dog. Between Frank Ocean's Channel Orange making its very persuasive case for album-of-the-year (and the more recent awesome and awesomely titled single, "Blue Whale" bolstering his claim of ownership of the universe), and the Weeknd's creepy, compelling charisma, and now Miguel's highly-acclaimed new album, Kaleidoscope Dream on the scene, can there be any room or attention left for the old master? Also, the kids are all so flamboyantly celebratory of their drug use. It almost like they're taunting D'Angelo, who has so famously struggled with addiction problems. Remember in the [...]
Rap is so crazy drugged-out right now. This new A$AP Rocky video—with its molasses-slow sample of Linda Rondstadt's "It's So Easy to Fall In Love" and kaleidescopic camera tricks—makes you think the young Harlem rapper is jealous of Andre 3000's getting to play Jimi Hendrix in the Jimi Hendrix biopic. And Gunplay, an underrated member of Rick Ross's Maybach Music group, has a new mixtape coming out called, hilariously, 106 & Snort. There's a good song on 106 & Snort called "Take This," which, you will not be surprised to learn, is about cocaine.
"The bizarre syndrome, first diagnosed in Miami, transforms its typically sane victim into a slobbering, raging, supernaturally strong menace hell-bent on self-destruction," wrote the Miami New Times in 2010. "Excited Delirirum," is a focus of inquiry the Department of Neurology at the University of Miami School of Medicine; identified in the 80s among cocaine users, it's not necessarily drug-induced, but it sure helps (cocaine interferes with dopamine transportation in the brain, then things go haywire (technical term)). And then, next thing you know, you're naked on the side of the highway, chewing off someone's face: "After an officer approached… 'The guy just stood, his head [...]
"A small private plane carrying a load of marijuana strayed into President Obama's no-fly zone over Los Angeles on Thursday and was forced to land at Long Beach Airport after being intercepted by U.S. Air Force jet fighters." Oh, dudes. Always check the TFR list when smuggling drugs!
"A medical testing company called Quest Diagnostics analyzed decades worth of drug tests – about 125 million of them – and found that only 3.6-percent came back positive for cocaine and marijuana. That’s down from more 13-percent in 1988. Seems like a good trend. But there were some exceptions beginning with prescription drugs. Positive tests for Vicodin and Oxycontin were up sharply over the past few years. And researchers warn the lower rates of pot and cocaine use could also be due to the fact that more people are beating the tests."
On the night after the Heaven's Gate UFO cultists were discovered dead by mass suicide in a San Diego suburban McMansion, I was standing in a dark patch of the Presidio, watching the Hale-Bopp comet and its forked tail over the Marin Headlands. Someone passed around binoculars, somebody else passed a little pipe around, and after a half hour everyone was cold and bored and we drifted back to the battleship-gray Victorian on Haight Street that I shared with a rotating group of five or six pals.
My bedroom was just a large closet on the upper floor, with enough room for a narrow mattress and a chest [...]
"The scandal over horse meat in the European food chain widened Thursday from a case of mislabeling to one of food safety as public health authorities in Britain said that a powerful equine painkiller, potentially harmful to human health, 'may have entered the food chain'"—but only in France, so phew. In related news, the Guardian headline "Horsemeat scandal: 'fresh beef' discovery as tests overwhelm laboratories" might lead one to think that analysis had discovered some actual beef mixed in with all the ground-up stallion, but alas, no: "tests revealed potentially dangerous contamination of meat with veterinary drugs and Asda confirmed the first trace of horse had been found [...]
Are you taking Xanax or some other benzodiazepine for anxiety or insomnia? Well, given the condition you are in, I don't want to alarm you about your pills, but, "there is growing evidence that they have serious side effects and a number of studies have linked them to falls, memory problems, panic attacks and early death."
What's going on with Atlantan trap rap? ("Trap" is regional slang for the drug market. Trapping is selling drugs. Trap rap is rap music centered around and focussed on the drug market.) Well, first of all, OJ Da Juiceman is never going to catch those sneaky kids who steal the money from his dice game while he's wearing so much gold. He can't run fast enough if he has to hold all his chains against his chest to make sure they don't fly around and hit him in the face! (This is reminiscent of the old I'm Gonna Git You Sucka joke about people dying from "O.G." or [...]
Have you heard the new slang term for cocaine? It's "Kenny Powers," named for the "disrespectful white" character played by Danny McBride on the HBO comedy, Eastbound & Down. The white part, I understand. But the description of a drug as being "disrespectful" is confusing. Though, I once drank some red wine that was described on its bottle as "mischievous." I guess it's no more confusing than that. And anyway, N.O.R.E. has been simultaneously confusing and charming his fans since he rapped about running laps around the English channel back in 1998. His latest mixtape is called Crack on Steroids, which is awesome and hilarious. [...]
"Amy, a single mother living in a middle-class suburb (she asked that only her middle name be used), is an educated professional who is reasonably savvy in most medical matters. But every month she goes through an arduous, prolonged and humiliating process: filling a Ritalin prescription for herself and her 11-year-old son." —Uh… well, the point about her having to run around to different pharmacies just to get her prescription filled is a good one, because that's b.s. (Though that's what we get for letting monopolies exist! Thanks, Walgreen's!) But you know, Viagra's been on the market since 1998, and no one's died of shame yet. (Although probably [...]
Getting high has never been more aesthetically pleasurable. Plus, you get high!
A generic version of the widely-used Liptor anti-cholesterol drug is being recalled because the pills are full of "glass particles," which we guess is a bad thing? People take so many pills!
And you know how the generics are always a lot cheaper, and who cares because it's not like the brand of the medicine is something you care about? Well, one reason these particular pills are cheaper is because they come from some sketchy factory in India—far away from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, which does a pretty lousy job of protecting the food and medicine supply right here in the United States. For instance, one of [...]
"And then there was the matter of how they talked. My parents and their friends spoke this exotic language very slowly. There were other odd things. For instance, they often slept standing up, and this group narcolepsy could strike right in the middle of the most dynamic conversation. Someone would start a sentence: 'Those ofay cats bopping out on the stoop are blowin’ like Birrr . . . ' and suddenly the words would begin to come out slower. And. Slower. Soon they wouldn’t be speaking at all. Eventually our living room would be filled with black and white hipsters suspended in time and space, while I ran through the [...]
Once a month I get together with half a dozen moms from Park Slope and Carroll Gardens. We call ourselves Hookers, Sluts and Drug Addicts. They dubbed me a Hooker because I wear tight clothes and smile a lot. Sally, a stay-at-home mom of boys, is a Slut, because she’s always touching her body. The Drug Addict is a therapist who can drink a bottle of Cabernet in one sitting. (All names and some details have been changed so I don’t lose more friends than I already have.) Some work and some don’t. The working ones complain about their jobs and the non-working ones complain about their husbands. We go [...]