"A Winnipeg man who was dragged out of an outhouse by a black bear is recovering at home with some cuts on his back and an amazing tale of survival. Gord Shurvell, 65, was camping and fishing with a friend at a cabin by Dunbar Lake, about 60 kilometres north of Sioux Lookout, Ont., when the bear attacked him early Saturday. Shurvell told CBC News he was in the outhouse, with the door wide open so he could enjoy the morning view, when the bear barged in." —Please read this story, there is so much richness to it.

On the one hand, the tea is very expensive and is made from panda doody. Also, there is no other hand.

Good morning! "PANDA fans are kicking up a stink — because they're being bombarded by PENGUIN POO. Visitors queuing to see star attractions Sweetie and Sunshine at Edinburgh Zoo are being pelted by the smelly droppings…. A 41-year-old visitor told us: 'We were queuing to see the pandas when a man in front shouted — he'd been hit by a big dollop of poo. It was disgusting.'"

Are common houseflies picking up drug-resistant bacteria from the feces of the pigs we shoot full of antibiotics to get them to market faster and then crapping and vomiting out these superbugs onto the surfaces of our supposedly sterile homes? Yeah, probably.

It is probably safer to be stabbed by a British person than it is to borrow his mobile phone. Knives, at least, get cleaned.

"Giant Pandas are well-loved for their distinctive appearance and sedentary nature. Now they will receive even greater adoration and attention for their bowel-based contribution to the development of a clean energy future. In a national meeting at the American Chemical Society, researchers presented a study identifying panda poop as a source of enzyme-producing bacteria that breaks down plant materials in a way that is useful for biofuel production." [Via]

Photo by Hung Chung Chih, via Shutterstock

This Michael Lewis piece on Germany and its financial industry is incredibly long and incredibly worth it.

It's not just doody in your chicken; there might also be arsenic in there.

"Frustrated By Crows" would be a good name for a band. Also "Made Scarecrow."

"[P]eople with compromised immune systems (due to a recent illness), and even people who describe themselves as afraid of germs or susceptible to disease, are more likely to avoid and feel prejudiced toward otherwise healthy people who merely look different than them, like foreigners or immigrants. It appears this prejudice can be reduced or erased by public health measures like vaccination or the simple act of washing your hands, according to a recent study in Psychological Science."

What happened to the doody that astronauts left on the moon? NASA wants to know. So do I! Hopefully it became some kind of genetically-altered doody monster whose sole mission is to eat the moon piece by piece until it disappears completely. But enough about my dreams.

Here you will find a roll of toilet paper The Beatles declined to wipe their own bottoms with.

"One of the most significant factors influencing a ski resort’s environmental impact is the use of man-made snow. An Arizona resort is trying out a somewhat unconventional method to reduce their use of fresh water for snowmaking – paving their slopes with snow made from reclaimed wastewater…. The EPA agrees that wastewater is safe for humans if treated properly. But some local activists remain unconvinced that the 'poo snow' is healthy for resort-goers and the environment."

As it turns out, firehosing a ton of water up your butt may not be good for you.

The government is doing its best to make sure we all decide to go vegetarian. [Via]

"16 percent of Gen Y report they have made an online purchase while in the bathroom."

"Statuettes of well-known people defecating are a Christmas tradition in Catalonia, dating back to the 18th century." Why yes, there is a photo!

"As long suspected, bathroom surfaces in U.S. restaurants, airplanes, stores, hospitals and other busy locales are often heavily contaminated with illness-causing microbes – and, in some cases, the bug colonies are even too large to measure, according to a paper to be presented Friday to the Infectious Diseases Society of America in Boston."

"Are bears really soft? Not compared to other mammals. Brown bears like Charmin's Leonard do possess a thick pelt and an ample (though seasonal) layer of subcutaneous fat. Still, the softness of an animal is generally thought to depend upon the density and composition of its fur—and according to these metrics, bears are middling at best…. Mammals tend to have two kinds of body hair: long, coarse guard hairs and short, downy wool hairs. The fur of a brown bear or polar bear is about two-thirds the latter." —This explanation of what bears have to do with toilet paper marketing never once mentions the inevitability of their defecating in [...]