Posts Tagged: David Cameron
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Fandom Rebuffed

"The Prime Minister is fast turning in to the least popular groupie in town. David Cameron has been spurned by another of his musical heroes after praising the work of The Housemartins in the House of Commons. Speaking at Prime Minister's Questions, Mr Cameron hailed the 1980s band while congratulating Hull on being made the UK's next City of Culture…. The band's former lead singer, Paul Heaton, immediately took to Twitter telling fans: 'Well, apparently David Cameron likes London 0 Hull 4. Which part of the attack on his policies and rich friends did he like best???'" —Maybe the most disturbing thing here is [...]

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Briton Takes A Stab At UK History Quiz, Fares Poorly

Apparently British Prime Minister David Cameron did not exactly cover himself with glory when he appeared on David Letterman's show last night.

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What It Will Take To Get The Smiths Back Together

"We won't be reforming this week. Maybe if the government stepped down. If this government stepped down, I'll reform the band. How's that? That's a fair trade, isn't it? I think the country would be better off, don't you? I'll do it if the coalition steps down." —Johnny Marr has issued his ultimatum on a Smiths reunion. Here's hoping British Prime Minister David Cameron is as big a fan of the band as he claims to be.

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Nerd And Toff Affirm Special Relationship By Playing World's Dorkiest Sport

"David Cameron and Barack Obama have further cemented their 'essential relationship' as the pair played ping pong doubles against students at the Globe Academy in south London. The US President showed poise and skill, while the Prime Minister, more at ease on a tennis court, repeatedly missed the table altogether. Luckily for the world leaders no score was kept during the match." Uh, U-S-A!, U-S-A!, I guess.

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British PM Banned From Smiths Fandom

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David Cameron, stop saying that you like The Smiths, no you don't. I forbid you to like it.less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneJohnny MarrJohnny_Marr

All the usual caveats about unverified accounts apply, but this is too good not to share. [Via]

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British Politician Goes To Work On An Egg

Consider the general election in Britain now OFFICIALLY underway, as the first dairy-related splattering of the campaign season occurred earlier this morning. (British elections are a time when the nation comes together to put down its knives and pick up some eggs, with occasional fisticuffs resulting.) Today's victim was Conservative leader David Cameron, who was struck on the shoulder while campaigning at a college in Cornwall. Does the choice of Cameron to be the initial recipient of an ovoid attack suggest that his chances of winning an overall majority have now improved? Stay tuned: The Race to Run Knifecrime Island is ON!

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Horsemeat Scandal "Breathtaking, Delicious" Say British Politicians

Whenever the meat supply on Knifecrime Island is perceived to be compromised, the government of the day trots out an unlucky official to take one for the team and graze on whatever bits of gristle and hoof they want to reassure their suddenly squeamish countrymen—people who eat sausage made out of dried blood on a regular basis—that everything's just fine. Nearly a quarter century after an agriculture minister attempted to fell the fear that crazy cows might do further damage to the already addled grey matter of that cursed island's lager-fueled legion of louts by attempting (unsuccessfully) to cram a BSE-burger into a [...]

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Why All The Unpleasantness Over The House Of Lords?

If you've accidentally stumbled onto the BBC news website while looking for information on when the new "Doctor Who" season is starting, you might have discovered that the government (British for "administration") is in a bit of a spot of bother over plans to reform the House of Lords! And by "bit of a spot of bother" we mean "there is a small but non-negligible chance it might collapse and force early elections." As regular readers will know, this site takes its commitment to Knifecrime Island coverage seriously (including its celebrities) and while your correspondent is not a UK resident, he does like to read obsessively about British [...]

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Play "David Cameron Gets Shirty: The Videogame"

"Text-based adventure games are often perceived as a pixelated debacle of trolls, orcs and wizards, testing the patience of the player as they travel down a road stolen from Tolkein’s imagination. However, a little known independent video games developer named Mark Richards, has reinvented the turn based genre by adding the raucous ruling of politics into the mix. He has reconstructed the parliamentary roleplaying that is the Prime Minister’s Questions, into a homemade pixelated game." —Somebody go try this out and let me know how it is.

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British Women Will Not Be Calmed

Fury in Britain after Prime Minister David Cameron, responding to a question from Shadow Chief Secretary to the Treasury Anne Eagle, told his interlocutor—who is a woman—to "calm down, dear." (This is apparently a line from a popular Knifecrime Island commercial starring the guy who directed Death Wish.) The Guardian's Cath Elliot is not amused.

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David Cameron Wins The Race To Run Knifecrime Island

At some point soon, if he has not already, David Cameron will receive a call from President Barack Obama congratulating him on his ascension to Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The two will speak briefly, mostly from a script affirming the Special Relationship, although perhaps they will chat about those Smiths and Radiohead CDs Cameron gave Obama back when they were both simple aspirants to office. Then David Cameron will look around his new workspace, realize what he's signed on for, and perhaps heave a sigh that signals both anguish and relief. And then the new government will kick into action. [...]

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British Politician's Ass Remains Firmly Planted In Its Seat

Oh, Knifecrime Island, how I do love your turns of phrase: "David Cameron denied it was 'squeaky bum time' for his party today after a shock poll showed Labour could still be in office after the election. The Tory leader admitted it would be a 'tight contest' but said a close race was good because it would focus people's minds on how they should vote…. Asked during an interview on Heart FM this morning if it was 'squeaky bum time' for the party, he laughed and replied: 'There's certainly nothing squeaking over here.'"

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When Not To Stab

"You couldn't, for instance, stab a burglar if they were unconscious." —The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland explains a new law allowing homeowners to use disproportionate force against burglars.

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Only Fools And Horsegate

You had to know that once the British finally brought back a toff Prime Minister one of his eventual scandals would be called "Horsegate." It's just so upper class. Anyway: "David Cameron has been accused of not being straight about his close links with News International after he finally admitted riding Rebekah Brooks’s ex-police horse." That is a sentence, yes. In related Knifecrime Island equine news: Is this Britain's tallest horse? Sure, why the hell not.

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More Phone Hacking Fallout

Here is a pretty blistering essay on Britain's phone hacking scandal, which, with each new horrific revelation, is causing ever more damage to Rupert Murdoch.

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Morrissey Has A Lot To Say

Morrissey is in agreement with his former bandmate Johnny Marr: British Prime Minister David Cameron is not allowed to like the Smiths. He also claims to have written 660 pages of a forthcoming memoir!

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The Race to Run Knifecrime Island: The Second Debate

I am still convinced that Britain's adoption of American-style leadership debates is destroying whatever good is left to that nation of unwashed miscreants-and may even be responsible for the worrying downward spiral in successful knife crime completions-but I watched the whole thing yesterday and came away with several revelations, not the least of which is that if I had to live on an island where I were subject to Gordon Brown's dour Scottish baritone on a regular basis I would be glassing people until the whole country ran out of stemware.

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Future British Prime Minister Lets Loose On Air

Spot of bother for David Cameron, leader of Britain's Conservative party and, barring The Rapture, next Prime Minister of Knifecrime Island: He had to apologize for using the word "twat" in a radio interview (the subject, of course, was Twitter). Also, he used the words "pissed off" to describe the electorate's feeling about politicians, which lead to this delightful exchange with his press secretary after the interview, as related by the radio show's host.