What is this? Why, it's the kickoff to 2013's Conservative Political Action Conference in National Harbor, Maryland. Why is the nice hostess complaining about the crumbling roads and bridges? And why is the nice hostess mocking America's War On Terror? Because Barack Obama is president! And you know what happens, etc., such as "Michelle Obama gets Beyoncé." These themes will be consistent throughout the convention at the Gaylord National Hotel, and tickets sold for as much as $1,000. Next week, when you see endless clips of fresh-faced rising stars of the conservative movement saying insanely racist or just insane things into a microphone on a trade-show stage, this [...]
Potential American president Rick Santorum isn't even pretending to make sense anymore: "When you marginalize faith in America, when you remove the pillar of God-given rights, then what’s left is the French Revolution. What’s left is the government that gives you right, what’s left are no unalienable rights, what’s left is a government that will tell you who you are, what you’ll do and when you’ll do it. What’s left in France became the guillotine."
I have been sitting on my stoop in the East Village this morning like an old Polish woman and I have counted exactly zero guys with pot bellies, even though this is the hot new trend, according to the elitist New York Times. Here is the thing: Manhattan is an incredibly trim place, on the most part. Last night I was walking by Gramercy Park and I was behind a large group of people who were clearly from out of town, and I could tell only because of two things: they were wearing amazingly cheap clothing and they were, well, a large group of people! That is a fine [...]
Here is your insane person rant of the day. It starts by saying that the children of those who protested against torture "are most likely to end up in rehab for drug abuse because their parents wouldn't lay down the law at home when their children needed to be disciplined." Then it gets really crazy.
Legendary maniac Larry King will emcee the third presidential debate. Think about this. Our grand 2012 debate season began with a confused shark-eyed zombie, moved up to a cool and serious lady for the Biden-Ryan thing, and then got all ethical and fact-checky with Candy Crowley. The only possible "big finish" is to bring in a hundred-year-old Vaudeville/CNN star from the Golden Age of Radio for the final debate. Will David Lynch direct? It will be the most historical moment in Larry King's career since he found something weird in his slipper this morning and also thought he heard the great Walter Matthau speaking through a poinsettia in [...]
So last night professional crazy person Kanye West opened up a Twitter account after performing a mysterious and confusing (but kind of awesome) a capella performance at Facebook HQ. If you were lucky enough to start following him last night you either stayed up late into the night waiting for his next insane, misspelled (but again kind of awesome) Tweet or awoke this morning to a torrent of craziness. So, without further introduction (or parentheses) here's our guide for understanding the unhinged tweet-rantings of Kanye West.
An article on Tuesday about people who believe that the Moon landing was a hoax referred incorrectly to a picture in a feature on the Lens blog at nytimes.com. As correctly noted in the feature, "Dateline: Space," the photograph of an astronaut standing on the surface of the Moon shows Buzz Aldrin-not Neil Armstrong. (Mr. Armstrong took the picture.)
Mmm hmm. Sure he did.
"Sometime early this summer, Felix Baumgartner will try from 90,000 feet. Then, later in the summer, he’ll jump from more than 120,000 feet… Baumgartner’s team says that its primary aim is to advance the science of survival at extreme altitude, not just to break records or publicize Red Bull. One contribution they expect to be useful to future pilots and astronauts is a new field treatment protocol for vacuum exposure. Called high-frequency percussive ventilation (HFV), the technique would help a victim of vacuum exposure breathe without further damage to the lungs. While the treatment is common practice for burn victims, no one has ever thought to use it on [...]
"The number of discrimination complaints filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission related to anxiety, depression and other psychiatric disorders nearly doubled between 2005 and 2009." -Crazy people: they are coming to work, and if you try to stop them, they will sue you.