If you're one of the 20 million people who live in Southern California, you may well be locked in a closet right now, waiting for this Angry Hulk ex-LAPD guy to burst in and kill you. Christopher Dorner, the fired cop and Navy reservist, is blamed for the murder of three people and the wounding of another three people so far. He's currently on the loose in an area roughly defined by Nevada, Arizona, Mexico and California's Pacific coast. So keep an eye on everything! If you see a huge angry guy in a pickup truck, that might be Dorner … or it might be basically anyone you see [...]

I could spend 20 minutes semi-explaining why the legendary lawyer Arthur Kramer (known better to you artsy folks as brother of Larry, regarding whom, no comment at this time) engaged in complicated maneuvers near the end of his life to bundle and resell seven life insurance policies, worth $56.2 million, to investors, over which the family is now suing and being sued, but can we just go with RICH PEOPLE SURE IS CRAZY and leave it at that? (On the upside, this mess may smooth out some conflicting little bits of law in New York State! Perhaps that's Arthur Kramer's real final legacy.)

Remember how we so kindly informed you that you must go see the 'Art of the Samurai' exhibition at the Met, because it is the best show on earth, and because we are so helpful? Now I have proof!

The out of control insane Republican Party has a new ad! It asks if the first 100 days of the Obama administration have led you to believe that the Pentagon is going to be blown up and how we will live without Guantanamo and if foreign people are going to burn the American flag and EAT YOUR BABIES. Oh and also how we will get by without torturing people. WHICH IS INSANE. The Republican party is clearly trying to rebrand itself as the party of torture, an identity which they are welcome to!

Dante Nero, who sometimes opened for him, recalled one college gig when a young woman yelled, “Say something funny!” during one of Patrice’s philosophical disquisitions. “You didn’t hear anyone else laughing?” O’Neal began. “Is it because you weren’t laughing? You the type of person who wants everyone to be miserable if you’re miserable?” Then he turned to her friends: “Why do you hang out with her?” The girl stood up to leave, demanding her boyfriend join her, but he sat there, frozen, and O’Neal zeroed in on him—as an ally. “If you stay, it’ll be over,” O’Neal said encouragingly. “Ride it out.” The audience started to weigh in. [...]

Yow! Leonard Slatkin, of the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, has been, opera gossips hear, straight up fired from conducting "La Traviata" at the Met. But how were his reviews? "Several times I noted looks of fear in the vocalists' faces as they glanced over at Slatkin wailing away at a pace faster than necessary in several key moments." YIKES.

Holy bananas, the Alexander McQueen show in Paris. (Go look at all those pictures of shoes right now! And here are the clothes.) An eagle-eyed reader notes that the particular shoe above quite resembles the "Ellie" award statue of the American Society of Magazine Editors. Did you know? Wikipedia says "in the magazine world, they are roughly equivalent to the Pulitzer Prizes," which is not in any way true. ALSO I WANT TO BE FROM THE SPACE-FUTURE NOW. This is the DEATH KNELL OF THE HANDBAG. Purses are so pre-9/11. Shoes are the only symbol to have. Also, there is nothing for men to wear. It [...]

Bloomberg's Matthew Lynn has an ABSOLUTELY INSANE column today expressing sympathy for the pitiful businessmen who are forced to shell out money to the trophy wives they've discarded even in the teeth of this dismal economic climate. Lynn writes with a tongue-in-cheek tone which will probably provide cover to those who are offended by his suggestion that we set up derivates contracts on banker marriages and build in speculative options on divorce, because God forbid a man loses most of his assets and his ex-wife somehow becomes materially more wealthy than he. Cute, right? Well, sure. But then there's this:

"Every time anyone says the words 'crazy' or 'baby' in any of her songs. In chronological order."

348. The Girls Next Door 347. I Want to Be A Hilton 346. Denise Richards: It's Complicated 345. Armed & Famous 344. That's Amore! 343. Joe Schmo 2 342. Homeland Security USA 341. Jockeys 340. Hit Me, Baby, One More Time 339. Fame 338. On the Lot

Oooh, one of our favorite websites has had one of its irregular, exciting updates! Yes, Vigilant Citizen is now ready to explain the Masonic symbolism of the U.S. Capitol. Perfect timing! "Whether we are witnessing Obama marching up the 33 steps to the Capitol after his inauguration or seeing Gerald Ford's casket on display under 'The Apotheosis,' all rituals are fully permeated with occult symbolism. It is simply impossible to understand this country, its rulers and their philosophy without understanding their Masonic origin." Oh there is more.