"Hawaii Speedo Student" Sought By School Security, Porn Companies @4:20 PM
"Since at least January, Tim, a gay 22-year-old senior at the University of Hawai'i-Manoa, has been recording himself masturbating, and uploading the videos to Xtube…. Among those photos is a series of him in University of Hawaii classrooms, snapped in January-February…. the University's Twitter account posted this campus warning: 'if you see 'Hawaii Speedo Student' on campus, do not approach him–-call Campus Security.' Now, he's an outlaw. Or at least a wild mountain lion roaming campus looking for prey." 21
Real America: March Tuition Madness @1:40 PM
NCAA basketball "March Madness" is on—beginning today, a host of institutions of higher education compete for bragging rights and an incremental boost in income from licensed-merchandise sales. But Awl readers know that the real champion school is the one that can charge the most tuition a year and still attract a robust student body to rock the all-important school rankings. Using the figures provided by college information resource Peterson's, I ran the NCAA tournament bracket by tuition. (In the case of state university system schools, the lower, in-state tuition is used.) It was a barnburner. READ MORE 33
If you are considering going to college (which, from where I'm sitting now, looks like a big fat waste of five-and-a-half years) you should major in engineering of some sort. According to a pretty unreliable "thing found on the Internet," seven out of the top ten undergraduate degrees by salary are in engineering. Surprisingly, sitting only 20 spots lower, a philosophy degree (stupid, Dave!) will supposedly earn you more than business administration, business management and advertising. Twenty spots lower than that, journalism languishes below nursing, English and agriculture. But just above forestry. Which will probably be incorrect by the time you read this. 43
Public Apology: Dear Riders of The Powell-Mason Cable Car Line in San Francisco, Late Summer 1991 @4:30 PM
The End of the 00s: So Lax, by Katie Bakes @11:00 AM
I can't say for certain, but there is an excellent chance I have been, behind my back, erroneously labeled a lacrosstitute.
I say "lacrosstitute" because that is the epithet of choice for a girl in a sundress who, for whatever reason, chooses of her own free will to consort with a bunch of louche loudmouths in Hawaiian print board shorts and mesh practice pinnies that announce "SUNS OUT, GUNS OUT" and cover neither chest hair nor beer guts (both being marks of proud distinction among their bearers).
Public Apology: Dear Nick @4:50 PM
Dear Nick,
I'm sorry I ate your carrot cake.
We were at college, and living off campus in the house on Bragaw Street. You had bought the cake earlier that day, when we'd all gone to Super Stop n' Shop for groceries. You'd paid for it separately and left it in the fridge while you went to an afternoon class. But our roommate Scott and I didn't have afternoon classes that day. Or if we did, we decided to skip them and stay home and smoke pot instead. Whatever the case, we stayed home while you were out and smoked pot. I got hungry, on account of the pot smoking, and went to the fridge, where I found the piece of carrot cake wrapped in cellophane. I knew it was yours. I knew you were saving it to eat later. I don't even like carrot cake that much. Still, it looked good, with that thick layer of cream-cheese frosting on top, and self-discipline was not a strong suit of mine. I decided to have just one little piece. Then I ate the whole thing. It was delicious. READ MORE 26
When Choosing A College, Don't Forget To Ask If They Have Valet Parking @9:40 AM
Colleges with valet parking include Florida International, USC, Columbia and Cal State Sacramento. But don't leave this school off your list! "High Point University, a small liberal arts college in North Carolina, spoiling the students may be exactly the point of valet. The campus, in addition to boasting a valet service, is home to a free ice cream truck, a concierge desk, and a giant hot tub in the middle of campus." And a president who is basically Tony Robbins with smaller teeth! 10
Happy Graduation Day For Shooter Of Classmate @12:20 PM
Awkward Moments! "About 500 students will graduate this weekend from Atlanta's prestigious Morehouse College. One person who won't be there is Rashad Johnson, shot three times by a fellow student. But the shooter will receive his diploma—part of a plea deal that spared him up to 20 years in prison." 7
Co-Ed Dorm Rooms Offend Clueless Parent @10:56 AM
Apparently conservatives have just cottoned on to the fact that a huge number of college dorms—and dorm rooms!—are co-ed. (Wait till someone tells them that the bathrooms have been going co-ed for a while now.) So this crazy woman takes to The Blogs to announce that she's horrified by her daughter living with a man in a dorm room and how they couldn't get out of it and how she stopped paying her daughter's tuition at Stanford. And her daughter was forced to explain the actual truth in the comments section of a Times blog. Isn't that just like parents—betraying their children on the Internet to their kids' bafflement! 16
