Look at this headline, if your faith is strong enough: "Why I Raise My Children Without God." Whoa, what is going on at CNN.com? Did someone forget that CNN's job is to protect God from weird blog posts by random moms in Texas? What if a child finds out there's no God? Oh don't worry, we're pretty sure Newtown took care of that, for the current generation of five-year-olds. And now our children supposedly shouldn't be narcissists? Is that even American, to not think the entire world and also an All-Powerful Deity exists solely to get you certain presents and make you a rapper on reality television someday? [...]
Never before in American History has so much hinged on a single debate. Tomorrow, the citizens who are not watching "game three" of televised baseball will be spellbound for 90 minutes as the wounded, bleeding president and the strong, perfect challenger take pre-selected questions from a group of pre-selected voters of statistically varied age, color and gender. Literally every minute of this brutal slugfest will be a "game changer," and the potential outcomes could alter not only the small point spread between the candidates' Wednesday polling, but also the very future of humankind.
The possibilities include "one or the other candidate being perceived as the winner" to … well, [...]
Starting in September, love guv Eliot Spitzer is now your TV chitchat host on the CNN at 8 p.m. every night (that hour when you don't watch TV). He's been partnered with a lady. That lady is Kathleen Parker. She is not bright, basically, though she has a Pulitzer, just like Jennifer Jason Leigh did in the Hudsucker Proxy. CAREER WOMEN, what can you do, etc. I have already canceled this CNN show in my mind.
Someone wanna check in with all the CNN.com readers, see if everything's okay? Because, wow, dark.
A.M. fix indeed! I had no idea CNN was so committed to this beat. Anyway, good news for those of you who have always wanted to try heroin but have been heretofore deterred by the expense: not only is it cheap as shit these days, it's also way more pure-almost seven times as pure as the cheap skag your folks jacked up in sleazy club toilets back in the '80s! In these difficult economic times, it's good to see that "value for money" is not an illusory proposition.