Posts Tagged: CIA
11

The Real Weird Twitter Is Espionage Twitter

The concept of people typing Dadaist humor on Twitter has existed since Twitter got its first big batch of smart-ass users in 2007, at that year's SxSW. Twitter was suddenly the place to get breaking news on inconsequential online-media events. Also, it was full of banter and inside jokes and drunken jabbering. It became fun, because a lot of bored funny people now had a way to narrowcast every oddball thought to people who might appreciate that kind of nonsense.

Only last year did anyone refer to this as a certain thing, Weird Twitter. My own Twitter feed has always been weird, because I follow a lot of [...]

16

Sexy Petraeus Scandal Vaguely Reminds America of 11-Year-War In Afghanistan

David Petraeus is snide gnome with a toupée hairstyle, and he is not even very good at winning wars—his military career can be accurately described as a draw in Iraq and total defeat in Afghanistan. As his personal scandal of marital infidelity involves ever more civilian women, shirtless FBI agents sexting those women, fellow commanders in Afghanistan, and the entire state of Florida, perhaps we will take a pause in our race for additional sleazy details to ask additional, important questions that are also about as sexy as a 60-year-old man with his pants off.

7

One of the Secret Information-Gathering CIA Schemes To Be Disbanded

So, SOME secret program, run out of the CIA, which nobody in Congress knew about, and that the head of the CIA was informed about the other day, is going to be shut down now. It was "related to the collection of information" and terrorism is all they will tell us. So whatever they were doing that was shocking and upsetting and outrageous will no longer happen now! Oh yay, puppies and flowers, everything's fine now.

29

Is the World's Most Miraculous Car a Ho-Hum Hybrid Prius?

Carrie: So Ken, I understand that you recently purchased a Prius and are pleased with your purchase! And I bought one several years ago, and am likewise very happy with it. So my first question would be: What do you think the plural of Prius is: Prius-us? Pri-i?

Ken: Well, did you know that Toyota asked Prius owners to vote for the plural form of Prius, because the actual Latin plural (priora) was already taken by a crappy Lada? I just read this on Wikipedia, so I am pretty much an "automotive journalist" now. Anyway, the plural is officially and legally prii.

Carrie: I did not know that! Very [...]

7

In a World… One Nurse Dares to Enter bin Laden's Compound!

Every screenwriter in Hollywood's mind exploded last night, with the news that the CIA recruited a doctor in Pakistan to launch a fake hepatitis vaccination program in order to veryyyy slowly gain access to the bin Laden compound so as to collect DNA. There's a hot role there for, I dunno, Sheetal Sheth or Mindy Kaling or someone, because: A nurse known as Bakhto, whose full name is Mukhtar Bibi, managed to gain entry to the Bin Laden compound to administer the vaccines. According to several sources, the doctor, who waited outside, told her to take in a handbag that was fitted with an electronic device.

Now the [...]

4

CIA Applications Up; Newspapers Not Recruiting

At a recent Harvard career day, the recruiters from newspaper companies told students to consider another industry and then threw students' application materials in the trash. Meanwhile, the CIA held five recruiting events at Harvard in 2008.

5

The Only Lesson From the Petraeus Scandal Is About Email Habits

The head of the CIA and former commander of the war in Afghanistan has fallen in a tawdry scandal involving marital infidelity, leaked national security secrets, weird FBI agents and a whole network of high-level grifters in Florida. What can we learn from this huge, bizarre conspiracy at the very top of the national security state? Watch out for that crafty "send" button on the email program! Especially if you're 60 years old, like David Petraeus. According to the important morning program The Today Show, older people must constantly watch out for the young people's Hotmail.

There’s a valuable lesson everyone can learn from the scandal involving CIA Director [...]

18

Does the CIA Have Any Idea What's Going On?

There's a whole story that we're waiting to hear, and it may take a few decades (centuries?) to get in full. With the murky news that the CIA was bilked out of $20 million for hoax "terrorist-detecting software, software that the CIA suspected was fake for years before anything was done about it, it has to be asked: is the CIA actually not an immense, successful octopus diligently working to rearrange the order of the globe? Are they in fact just a bunch of ineffectual overpaid chumps, who were taken entirely by surprise by Tunisia, Egypt and Libya? Who are too busy using drones to shoot [...]

0

CIA To Close Secret Prisons

Hey, the CIA sure went from "What secret prisons?" to "We're closing the secret prisons!" pretty fast.