Posts Tagged: Breakfast

The Taco Bell Breakfast Is American Freedom And Pride In Its Best And Most Primal Expression

Were we once a nation of tinkerers that split the atom, created the phonograph, and gave Kevin Costner’s career three distinctly different eras? We were.

And yet, despite all the transistors, pneumatic tires, Roombas, and swivel chairs, the elites apparently have no room in their heart for the Waffle Taco, the most obvious object of derision in Taco Bell’s newly announced breakfast line-up.

“Gross,” they cried, in their truncated communiques. Breakfast, they libeled, would now be served by “a fast food chain heretofore known primarily for serving shredded cheese, refried beans, wilted lettuce, and horse meat in various combinations of tortilla containers.” Taco Bell breakfast “could conceivably [...]





Breakfast-Skipping Men Digging Their Own Breakfast-Skipping Graves

Are you a man who skipped breakfast today? You may be dead already!


Good To Know! The Things That Simply Everyone Does

Do you know what everyone is eating? The English breakfast. That's right: "Lately, that morning meal has become all the rage in New York," says New York. English breakfast should not to be confused with the Irish breakfast, which comes with "black pudding" (that's congealed blood!) and "white pudding" (that's fat and oatmeal, essentially). Why aren't you stuffing your face with sausage right now, you bollockey bastard bloater?


Stop Ordering "Scooped" Bagels, It's Horrifying

"You want that bagel but that bagel is deadly so you scoop that bagel, honey, you scoop it like a bridesmaid at strip-a-robics. But. Can I just ask. What’s wrong with a nice piece of toast, then, or perhaps an English muffin? A bialy, in times of great need?" Seriously, what is the DEAL with people who "scoop" out their bagels? It's revolting.