This week, two—possibly three, or maybe more—not particularly bright asshole millennials discovered a terrible new way get attention. Then, for an encore, they figured out a way to shut down a mid-sized American city today.

After shooting some people and robbing a store last night, like total morons, one of the idiots actually managed to simply disappear, despite being in a shoot-out with police, in which the other main numbnuts was killed, and despite every law enforcement person in New England looking for him.

TV news spent most of the morning trying desperately to not be underfoot while people were actually trying to do their jobs to find the remaining [...]

Boston thinks it's still in some sort of rivalry with New York. Adorable!

The best part of winning championships is the new stuff you can buy. The championship-winning moment is so fleeting, but the stuff you can wear lasts forever. Or at least should. As a Boston Sports Fan, my first experience with championships was in the '80s, with the Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish Boston Celtics. The Red Sox and Patriots also made memorable runs to a championship. But just as they don't hold parades for teams that lose, they don't make t-shirts for getting bulldozed in the Super Bowl. Or getting one strike away from a World Series championship.

What made the Celtics gear great was how personal it [...]

Boston's sport fans—once a bunch of admirable stoics capable of accepting the inevitability of defeat with a graceful fatalism—are having a hard time coping with loss ever since their swift transition from poignant dignity to loudmouthed arrogance, a transformation which inspired a unifying sense of hatred and disgust in the rest of a previously sympathetic nation.

"On Sunday, November 14, 2010, The Boston Globe will publish a special magazine devoted to the opening of the Museum of Fine Arts' major new expansion, the Art of the Americas Wing. Entitled, "The MFA takes wing," the 56-page full-color glossy magazine will appear in all editions of the Boston Sunday Globe as well as in The New York Times in greater Boston and Manhattan….. Other features include stories on how the museum beefed up its collections, the story of two rooms from a 19th century Dorchester house that were recreated for the museum, and what's served in the new café." Is it… soup? Do they serve soup?

A water main break in the Boston area over the weekend has left some two million people without clean water until at least Wednesday. The city has ordered residents to boil any water that might be used for drinking or cooking or performing basic ablutions (although showering is allegedly OK), and bottled water is selling at a premium at some not-as-ethical shops. School's still open, though!

The guy arrested last night for the so-called Craigslist murder of a 26-year-old masseuse in Boston is a 22-year-old medical student at Boston University named Phil Markoff, who was engaged to be married in August to a woman he met while volunteering at a hospital in upstate New York. He proposed last May on a horse and carriage ride in Connecticut. The Boston Globe also has the obligatory "but he seemed like such a nice guy" article, though one student does give this somewhat unnerving quote: "He seemed to kind of get things. . . . I kind of had him pegged as a surgeon because he [...]

http://www.flu.gov/stay-connected/vaccinelocator_2011.htmlAfter many years of quiet flu seasons, the current winter epidemic is shaping up to be something pretty terrible. Boston is officially an emergency zone, with more than 700 reported cases and 18 deaths so far. The South is already racking up flu deaths, with 22 deaths in South Carolina alone. Thousands have been hospitalized nationwide, and the flu is jumping to other patients.

What can you do? Go get a flu shot! Even if you "don't care about getting the flu," because you're unemployed or insane or look forward to a real-life version of The Stand, please get a flu shot so that you're not infecting [...]

Did you hear about the bear that was captured in the tony Boston suburb of Brookline yesterday? Apparently, it's the same one who was captured on June 11 in the tony Cape Cod hamlet of Wellfleet. (One assumes he was drawn out to the Cape by the ridiculous salmon-colored pants that so many grown male humans wear while vacationing out there.) This bear is pretty awesome. He's 180 pounds. Two weeks ago, they took him into the woods and released him in central Massachusetts, from where he just turned right around and started the 100-mile back East. During yesterday's police operation, an onlooker shouted, "He’s smarter than [...]

An existential crisis in Boston: Now that the Bruins have won the Stanley Cup, what do the region's whiny sports fans have to complain about anymore? I mean, apart from actually having to live in that fetid hellhole.

Drinks are on you tonight in Boston, the town where the drinks are always on you! The Boston Bawl v.2.0—a casual holiday party thrown by Awl readers for Awl readers—is scheduled to begin at 6 p.m. tonight, at the Green Street Grill (in their downstairs bar), which is located, unsurprisingly, at 280 Green Street, Cambridge, Mass. Questions? Talk to your cohosts, Garge and BoyOfDestiny.

Yesterday was moving day in Boston, and the city's many college students were forced to confront the pest that is eating America: bedbugs. The New York Times shows that while some of our young scholars are blase about the bloodsuckers, there are signs that others, at least, have their priorities straight.

Wait a minute. This new rapper, Sam Adams-white-kid from Boston, goes to Trinity College, accused of buying 8,000 copies of his own record on iTunes to get famous-he's part of that crazy faux-documentary Casey Affleck's making with Joaquin Pheonix, right? I mean, this is just Casey Affleck's little cousin or something, right? This is a hoax, right? And… is that an Annie Lennox sample! What is going on?!

@fox25gene @shannonmulaire elizabeth warren was a hot mess yesterday. And wth is going on with her hair? She is "absurd" and I'm appalled!

— Dani Lyn Henderson (@DibbaDo) November 9, 2012

They're already turning on Elizabeth Warren up in Boston, after her first brief presser; (she begins serving on January 3, 2013). She spoke to the press for "less than 12 minutes"! Can you imagine? "Uncertain"! "Impatient"! "Terse"! And what IS up with her hair? How dare she not have her hair done for this.

We know you are all anxiously anticipating Friday's Holiday Awl Ball at Flaming Saddles, and why wouldn't you be? It's the social event of the season! But what about those of you who are not in the New York area? Perhaps you are somewhere more northlike. New England, for example! Well, get your calendar out and mark that sucker up for Tuesday, December 13th. Come 7PM, the place to be is Stoddard's, for the Boston Bawl. Have questions? Your host, boyofdestiny, is here with answers.

Will the lower orders at Boston's Fenway Park soon be able to avail themselves of the same mixed drink their better-paying fellow baseball fans enjoy? "Representatives of the Red Sox told the Boston Licensing Board last week that the team wants the right to sell mixed drinks, in addition to beer, 'at a limited number of stations' throughout the 37,000-seat stadium and on Yawkey Way. Currently, hard liquor is available mainly at refreshment stands serving fans with upper-level premium seats." Boston's mayor and its constabulary seem perturbed by the proposal, which makes sense when you consider how unpleasant even those most sober Red Sox supporter can be. Still, not [...]

While you are already perhaps saving the date of December 10 in New York City (6 to 10 p.m., at the Gallery Bar, 120 Orchard Street) for a reader-sponsored Hawliday Bawl, perhaps you live in the greater Boston area! If so, our apologies, but here: Boston-area Awl readers are throwing a party for Boston-area Awl readers.

Tonight! 7:00p.m. Charlie's Kitchen, Harvard Square-upstairs. Be prepared to talk about your feelings with the assistance of alcohol.

Not a lot to add here but "oww," so I'll leave it at that.