"Can obese cyclists sign up for the city’s new bike-share program? Fat chance! It is 'prohibited' for any rider who weighs more than 260 pounds to sign up for the soon-to-launch initiative — prompting backlash from riders who say the fat-shaming rule is enough to make them fly off the handle. Everyone who signs up for the program has to agree to a contract, which states users 'must not exceed maximum weight limit (260 pounds)' because the bikes can’t hold that much heft."

Or something like that. Anyway, everyone's real upset over the (quickly fading) neon-green Spring Street bike lane that runs past L.A.'s City Hall, because it… impedes the film industry's ability to mimic Real America. If only other cities had enormous financial incentives to lure TV and movie production outside of L.A.!

This makes me feel like I'm going to crap my pants a little just from reading it: A ten-macchiato bike trip around New York City. Talk about your dangerous stunt nonfiction!

There’s a strange, wonderful short story by Donald Barthelme about a balloon that appears one day on Fourteenth Street and grows, like a low-hanging blimp, until it covers a good deal of Manhattan. It becomes an object of widespread puzzlement and fascination. Children leap across its surface. Art critics analyze its colors. City officers conduct secret nighttime tests to better understand it.

For the past couple of weeks, Fort Greene has been living out its own strange version of "The Balloon." On a handful of corners, seemingly overnight, bike racks have appeared. And not just any bike racks, but city bike racks. Or is it citibike racks? These, in [...]

1. Don't.

2. If you have to ride the subway, everyone else comes before you. It's known as yielding.

3. Is it rush hour? Don't bring your bike on the subway.

4. "But I just have to ride the train during rush hour!" Then only outbound in the morning, and inbound in the evening. Otherwise, you're an incorrigible imp. And you'll probably get a ticket.

5. At the turnstile, signal the MTA attendant in the booth by waving your arms wildly and gesturing to the gate (is there no booth at the entrance? Go the hell back upstairs and enter at a booth station entrance), swipe your Metrocard, spin the [...]

Here is how not to use a bicycle lane: An 87-year-old Marin County man was driving to the Department of Motor Vehicles office when he mistook a narrow concrete-walled bicycle-pedestrian path for Highway 101, and then he just kept driving until his car was wedged so tightly between the cement barriers that a tow truck had to yank the Toyota out. Is this symbolic of the increasingly hostile urban turf wars between automobile drivers and bicyclists?

Maybe! Listen to what this guy said, after all the trouble he caused: "They should block that off, that passageway."

Raymond Pierce will have a mandatory re-evaluation of his driving privileges, under California [...]

"With a bike, it's all about fitness, strength and stamina. But in some ways a top of the range bicycle says many of the same things about you as a sports car – they both have a rugged, dangerous element to them." -Psychologist Cliff Arnall explains the logic behind the idea that bicycles are the new Ferraris when it comes to signaling midlife crises in middle-aged men. I am not exactly sure why riding around on something that squashes your nuts flat like a penny on a railroad track will somehow increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex, but then again I hate bicycles and the people who ride [...]