It is rare that a single local news story so fully encapsulates the tenor of the times, but when it does happen, boy, have you ever got something special on your hands.
"This issue brings up a longstanding debate within the Bigfoot community: Would be ethical to shoot and kill a Bigfoot? Some say yes, because that's the only way to prove they exist, and once proof is found, funds could be made available to protect them as an endangered species. Others say no — that because Bigfoot sightings are so rare, they must have very small populations and killing one might drive the animals to extinction. Shooting a suspected Bigfoot with tranquilizer darts is an option that has gained some steam. Ethics and the lethal-or-nonlethal debate aside, there's a good reason aiming your gun at a Bigfoot could be a [...]
"Did you know that Focus on the Family, the highly influential, ant-gay, anti-woman multi-million dollar Religious Right group, has a film production department? And did you know they made a Bigfoot movie?" —It's like the greatest episode of "7th Heaven" of all time.
As we discussed this morning, many believe that Bigfoot is alive and real and, yes, in the woods of North Carolina! According to a recently released video clip that Matthew Moneymaker, head of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization, describes as "The most important footage of a Sasquatch since the Paterson/Gimlin film taken over 40 years ago," Bigfoot is warm-blooded and likes Zagnut bars.
He was last seen wandering around the outskirts of Bexar County, Texas. Might Bigfoot have headed down south after spending the fall in Minnesota? That's the speculation amongst the international community of Bigfootologists after a game trail camera set up by some hunters near Remer, MN, captured this almost undeniable proof of the Sasquatch's existence. He is out there, people.
“We don't acknowledge that one exists. But if you wanted to shoot and kill a Bigfoot in the state of Texas, you would just need a hunting license,” Major Larry Young of Texas Parks and Wildlife told the Houston Chronicle. In response, a representative for PETA noted that, "As an organization we do oppose hunting of any kind. It's cruel and unnecessary and can damage populations and ecosystems." Fair enough, but we're having a hard time finding any scientific citations for the claim that shooting Bigfoot could damage the ecosystem of Texas.
If you're thinking of starting a We The People online petition to force the White House to respond to some nonsense like "building a Death Star" or "declaring the Sasquatch a threatened species" or "bringing our barbarian gun laws maybe halfway up to the basic standards of 21st Century civilization," you will need more online friends to share your dream. As of now, White House petitions require 100,000 electronic signatures, which is a fourfold increase from the 25,000 required to make the Obama Administration do a cute response to the Death Star thing, even as the Obama Administration rains death from imperial robots upon the rebels (and [...]
"A U.S. venture plans to use a remote-controlled 'stealth' airship to hunt for signs of Bigfoot in the mountains of California." There's a video and stuff, but, you know what? You watch it. I've got better things to do, like mouth-breathing.
"A Michigan woman says she feeds a bigfoot family blueberry bagels."
This new video of Bigfoot was shot last week in the woods near Spokane, Washington, where the Spokane Indians used to speak of giant, stinky "men stealers" who would come into their lodges and abduct people at night. Also nearby, a gold prospector named Karl Breheim reported damage to his metal toolbox that looked "like a giant man had munched a white-bread sandwich." Those woods are very beautiful. But I will never go there because of the obvious mosquito problem.
There is not a whole lot one can add to this local dispatch about a sasquatch sighting in North Carolina. I mean, one could, but one thinks it is pretty much perfect on its own.
Maybe Bigfoot Is Letting Himself Get Seen In Michigan In Hopes That Someone Will Get Him The Hell Out Of Michigan
I'm sure this highlights my coastal urban elitism, but I had to Google ghillie suit. Turns out it's just the actual word for those, like, 3D camouflage pajamas. You know, with the twigs and fake grass on them? Whatever, I am happy to have learned something today.
"A team of scientists can verify that their 5-year long DNA study, currently under peer-review, confirms the existence of a novel hominin hybrid species, commonly called 'Bigfoot' or 'Sasquatch,' living in North America. Researchers’ extensive DNA sequencing suggests that the legendary Sasquatch is a human relative that arose approximately 15,000 years ago as a hybrid cross of modern Homo sapiens with an unknown primate species."
Why Are These Scientists All Of A Sudden So Interested In Genetically Testing For Proof That Bigfoot Exists?
"I'm challenging and inviting the cryptozoologists to come up with the evidence instead of complaining that science is rejecting what they have to say. It would be wonderful if one or more turned out to be species we don't know about, maybe primates, maybe even collateral hominids." —Yeah, right! If University of Oxford geneticist Bryan Sykes thinks he's going to trick me into sending him a DNA sample taken from the Sasquatch paw I have in the fridge in the basement, so the government can clone the cells and make an army of hairy, ten-foot-tall, big-jack-booted NATO soldier beasts to come and take my guns and steal my [...]
Has proof of the existence of the legendary yeti been discovered in Siberia? Sure, why the hell not.
Springtime in Minnesota. The prairie thaws. The butter sculptures melt. Prince cuts the backside out of his pants. And Bigfoot comes out. "I'm 110% convinced that it exists," says Bob Olson, a co-founder of the Northern Minnesota Bigfoot Society. "There's just too much evidence, too many people's emotions showing when they recount their stories. One lady cries when she recounts her story of how this thing stood up and looked at her. She felt it looked into her soul."