Posts Tagged: Beyonce

Who is the Greatest Diva of the Last 25 Years? We Offer Scientific Proof!

By way of eulogy to the dying animal that is the Diva, my crack team of consultants, statisticians and graphic designers have assembled DIVA-OFF 2010, a highly scientific (we used computers!) evaluation of the greatest divas of the past twenty-five years. A list of divas was evaluated on eleven levels of diva-ness, and, because each diva characteristic is not created equal, we scaled the values in the hopes of creating an aggregate diva number that will serve as a reference point for future generations.

Here is why we needed to do this. On April 14, 1998, at the Beacon Theater in New York City, VH1 put on a [...]


Liza Minnelli, "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"

As previously threatened, here is Liza Minnelli's interpretation of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)," which was put together for the Sex And The City sequel. I… I just don't know if it's camp, or meant to not really be listened to outside of the context of whatever scene it's in, or just the end product of a lot of really bad decisions by people drunk with consumerism-driven power. But I will say this: One of the thoughts I had while listening to it was, "Hmm, so, is this better or worse than the Chipettes' version?" I still can't decide the answer to that one, [...]


The Night Lady Gaga Blew Up the Internet with 'Telephone'

Natasha: Can I ask you something?

Choire: Yes!

Natasha: Do you 'get it'?

Natasha: Like Gaga overall.

Choire: I *largely* get it. I mean, obviously I groove on the, I guess, excitement level? And I don't despise the music, although it's remarkably unremarkable. But I get it!


Robots Taking Over Sooner Than Expected–They Got Janet, Too!

I'm starting to think that the singularity has already occurred and I just didn't notice it up to this point. Apparently, computer intelligence has already gotten more advanced that the human brain and figured out how to fuse itself with human cell tissue and that the robots are already reprogramming themselves and re-enhancing themselves and regenerating themselves-into today's leading hip-hop and R&B stars.


No More Music Magazines: The Problem With Publicists and the Celeb Industrial Complex, Part XXVI

Slate's Jonah Weiner writes a good piece about why music magazines are dying. Part of the problem is what they like to call "access": "When I profiled Beyoncé for a 2006 Blender cover story, I was granted one hour to interview her and one hour to observe her at a video shoot. I stayed on the set for three hours, hoping to wring some lively detail from the mundane proceedings, until a bodyguard showed me the door. Beyoncé's mother, Tina, gave me a warm goodbye, then called a publicist to chew her out for letting me hang around so long and accused me of 'going through Beyoncé's underwear.' (I'd [...]


Austrian Tabloids, Beyonce Look-A-Likes, Art Museums, Huh?

Seriously, I'm having one of those days where everything I look at makes me go "What?" Anyway: "US pop star Beyonce has angered a high-brow art museum in Vienna by sending a look-a-like to her own special personal tour of the museum, while she went shopping, according to newspaper reports here Wednesday." I mean, really: What?


The 13 Most Awkwardly Altered Lyrics On "Kidz Bop 18"

13. "The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away / Over the world is [unintelligible syllable that sounds like 'blehhh']" ("The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away / Over the world is death," from OneRepublic's "All The Right Moves")


Beyoncé, "Why Don't You Love Me?"

Perhaps taking all the Bettie Page references to her hairstyle in the "Video Phone" video to heart, Beyoncé has released a video for "Why Don't You Love Me" in which she plays the retro-pinup role to the hilt, complete with sexily staged household mishaps, a bit where she dusts… her Grammys, bubble-bath interlude, and shots of her smoking. (Gasp!) There is also, oddly, what seems to be an homage to Britney Spears' red-carpet outfit from the 2001 Video Music Awards. The song, however, is quite the banger, even if it was at first sabotaged by the abysmal sequencing of I Am… Sasha Fierce, not to mention the [...]


Beyoncé Is An Illuminati Puppet–But One Man Knows the Truth

One day in the early 2000s, I received an unsolicited email from someone I didn't know; if you had an email address then, you probably did too, daily, and most of the time ignored such notes. But there's spam, and then there's spam. It began: "If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!"


"Video Phone": Watching and Being Watched

Beyonce's I Am… Sasha Fierce celebrated its one year anniversary last week, and it is still being unspooled across various media-most recently, in a remix released last night of "Video Phone." The album is notable for an album by a woman in that it has no guest stars, no rappers cropping up, but in this remix, she is accompanied by more-newly-famous entertainer Lady Gaga. This is a remix in the sense that Sinead O'Connor's remix of "Jump in the River" with Karen Finley was a remix, in that there is largely only sections added; added value, brand conjunction, etc., and also that the match-up seems at first strange. In [...]


Kelly Clarkson Is Jackin' For Beats

"No one's gonna be sittin' at home, thinking 'Man, Ryan Tedder gave Beyoncé and Kelly the same track to write to.' No, they're just gonna be saying I ripped someone off." Kelly Clarkson is pissed because her new single, "Already Gone," uses the same musical track as Beyonce's springtime hit "Halo." Turns out her collaborator, producer Ryan Tedder, really did sell the same track twice. Clarkson didn't hear the Beyonce song, she says, until too late. Her point: "It sucks." But she needn't be so upset.


Sometimes we're just gonna get random, okay?

Beyonce's Vagina Armor sounds like the great unreleased sequel to Erykah Badu's seminal 2000 release Mama's Gun.


A Brief Rundown Of Pop Music Tropes That Lady Gaga Did Not Invent

Today the ultrasmooth R&B singer-songwriter Ne-Yo released his new single "Beautiful Monster," and it's pretty good — produced by his longtime collaborators Stargate, it's reminiscent of his earlier hit "Closer," only with icier keyboards and a more paranoid outlook. But of course one commenter had to opine that the song was "very Lady Gaga," presumably because it is an uptempo track that uses synthesizers and has the word "monster" in its title. This stray comment from someone named "rambo244" would be funny if this "Gaga already did it"-ism didn't seem to happen with recent output by 99% of pop stars; it would be even funnier if Stefani Germanotta, [...]


Liza Minnelli Is… Sasha Fierce?

"'Sex and the City 2,' due May 25, features Alicia Keys covering Blondie's 'Rapture'… as well as legendary entertainer Liza Minnelli covering Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)."


Aww, Man: Jay-Z's Not In The Illuminati After All

Jay-Z just topped Forbes list of "Hollywood's Top-Earning Couples," pulling in a cool $122 million with wife Beyonce from June 2008 to June 2009. He so totally sold his soul to the devil!

Actually, the vigilant citizens at Rap Radar have collected denials from the principals involved with the video, for Jay's new single "On To the Next One," that got all those crazy Illuminati theories buzzing.


Beyonce Needs a Giant Sequined Cummerbund That Says "G.M.O.S."

Rap Radar points us to this youtube clip of Beyonce performing "Crazy In Love" at a recent concert in Singapore. It's amazing to watch someone so on top of her game. Her relationship with the song-which is already a generation-defining standard-and her horns, and her drums, and her guitarist, and her back-up singers and dancers, and the lighting, and the wind-machine and the audience: she has every element on lock.


Beyonce Would Not Snub Your Private Museum Tour

Oh, right, that baffling story about Beyonce sending a body double to a fine art museum in Vienna was a hoax perpetrated by a local radio station, which makes our What? all the more searching and profound. It seemed ridiculous in any event (the phrase "two Austrian tabloids" set the tone), but it's the kind of story that, in retrospect, you wish were true. Anyway, I'm going to use this opportunity to post a picture of Beyonce because, you know, Beyonce. The girl's attractive.