Autumn will start off with a series of false beginnings and vague feelings of dislocation as summer lingers longer than everyone expects, even though summer here always easily extends into the end of September and sometimes beyond. When the days draw down and the sun starts to set earlier and earlier you will increasingly develop an overwhelming sense of opportunities missed and chances wasted as each event you had hoped to attend or goal you had your sights set on achieving becomes yet another adventure you opted out of under the empty promise that there was something better going on, and this endless buffet of poor choices will eventually lead [...]
You know how when you run into someone on the street who you haven't seen for years and you are asking them questions about their life and what they're up to now and how people you associate with them that you have lost touch with are doing, you are really secretly checking that person out and looking for all the signs of aging that time has done to his or her body and face, and then you suddenly realize that he or she is doing the exact same thing to you? There ought to be a German word for that, that moment of shocking awareness that you are just as [...]
Because it appears to be fly season, and so many people have appealed to my expertise, let me share my foolproof method for disposing off these winged pests: Wait until the fly sets down somewhere for a spell and then spray it with Windex. (Or the housecleaning product of your choice, but I would suggest something with bad chemicals in it. The hippie stuff only stuns.) The fly doesn't see it coming with its million creepy fly eyes, and then it's ALL OVER. You're welcome.