That's right. It's the true sign of spring in New York! It's the time that Whole Foods starts carrying Happy Tree Maple Water, "never heated early season maple water wild-harvested from the Catskill Mountains." At about $6 for ten ounces, the unheated leakings of trees are dispensed far and near. The contents? Water, and some sugar. Tree sugar. "Happy Tree Maple Water is gathered using a fully sustainable tapping system, which causes no harm to our old-growth trees. Our product is always wild-harvested using only the best, clearest, and tastiest maple water," let it be known. Get some for little Tanlines and Eurydice today!
Today is April 1, a/k/a "April Fools Day," and I don't like it. All this thing is about is making people feel bad. I have never read about or even Googled "April Fools' Day" to find out where this April Fools crap came from and why it is here, because I don't care. I don't like it, April Fools' Day, and I don't want to know anything about it. I just want it to Not Be.
Besides, whatever: it's probably just some dumb Ancient and/or Religious thing, I bet, that got all repeated and repeated over Time and became stupider and stupider and eventually congealed into this annoying "April Fool" [...]