Posts Tagged: April 1
4

It's The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year

That's right. It's the true sign of spring in New York! It's the time that Whole Foods starts carrying Happy Tree Maple Water, "never heated early season maple water wild-harvested from the Catskill Mountains." At about $6 for ten ounces, the unheated leakings of trees are dispensed far and near. The contents? Water, and some sugar. Tree sugar. "Happy Tree Maple Water is gathered using a fully sustainable tapping system, which causes no harm to our old-growth trees. Our product is always wild-harvested using only the best, clearest, and tastiest maple water," let it be known. Get some for little Tanlines and Eurydice today!

3

April Fools' Day is Stupid And So Are You if You Believe in it

Today is April 1, a/k/a "April Fools Day," and I don't like it. All this thing is about is making people feel bad. I have never read about or even Googled "April Fools' Day" to find out where this April Fools crap came from and why it is here, because I don't care. I don't like it, April Fools' Day, and I don't want to know anything about it. I just want it to Not Be.

Besides, whatever: it's probably just some dumb Ancient and/or Religious thing, I bet, that got all repeated and repeated over Time and became stupider and stupider and eventually congealed into this annoying "April Fool" [...]