"Representative Renee Ellmers, who ran as a Tea Party candidate in 2010 and barely squeaked into office, has dismissed [Clay] Aiken as unable to win “Idol” and thus ill-equipped to unseat her. Mr. Aiken suggests that his humble beginnings and time working with children with autism best qualifies him for a seat in the House." —Sick burn, Clay Aiken! Also, Clay Aiken is running for Congress in North Carolina's Second District. Let's all try to live our lives as normally as possible for as long as we have left.
A few quick notes on Jacob Lusk's "American Idol" performance last night: I think we can collectively agree that what happens at 1'22" needn't be discussed. He's air-humping the lady who wrote "Man in the Mirror." But 1'34"-1'44"!
He starts with the classic Etta James move—close your eyes, lift your hand up near your head as the note fucks up the audience, and then get straight into the next move because fucking up the audience doesn't mean shit to you. X-Tina also does this pretty well, but the only young gun who really knows how to pull that move off right now is Adele. (Being overweight helps with this move. [...]
JORDAN DORSEY—100:1 If you’re going to toss off your sportscoat on stage, there are a few rules.
Rule #1: Pythons.
Rule #2: Make the audience wait for it. Ideally, you should start off with something slow. Writhe around in the sportscoat to hint that the damn thing is about to get thrown off. Let the anticipation build and taper off, but not too much. Right when they let their guard down, you explode the fuck out of the coat and start humping the air. I’ve never been to a Ginufine concert, but I’m pretty sure he uses this method. Like he starts his sportscoated shows with a cover of [...]
Richard Rushfield, America's foremost "American Idol" expert, weighs in on last night's finale, pushing his ongoing anti-tween agenda, but making a good point: "In Season 2, when voting by text message was introduced, the concept was so new that Ryan Seacrest had to demonstrate on the air how text messaging worked." Now? Well you know how the kids are.
Five Questions About Greyson "Paparazzi Kid" Chance, At Least One Of Which Will Probably Never Be Answered
5. So Ellen DeGeneres' just-launched label eleveneleven records has signed Greyson Chance, the kid from Oklahoma who made it big on the Internet with his cover of Lady GaGa's "Paparazzi" earlier this month. Ellen, you may recall, is a judge on American Idol. So does this mean that her label is associated with Sony Music, which has a link to the show? 4. Or is it associated with Interscope, home to Lady GaGa, which just last week was the label that had supposedly snagged the kid?
A room full of depressives, schizophrenics and recovering addicts will almost never agree on what constitutes “Must-See TV.” The only options that night were "American Idol" and a Mel Gibson movie, the one where the kids make tinfoil hats to ward off alien mind control. Watching anything brain-related in a mental hospital—forgive me, behavioral health facility—is pretty much verboten, so we decided on "Idol." Personally, I was more interested in my proximity to Mike on the couch, and how his hand had crept toward mine under the edge of the stiff, synthetic blanket on my lap. It was August, but you wouldn’t have known it. The air conditioner was [...]
I’m thinking today about Hedwig and "The Origin of Love" and the time when the earth was still flat and clouds were made of fire and mountains stretched up to the sky, sometimes higher. When folks roamed the earth, like big rolling kegs, with two sets of arms and two sets of legs and two faces peering out of one giant head, who sang the songs?
Last night on "Idol," Mary J. Blige came and visited Jacob Lusk in the studio and when they embraced, I had a vision of the two-headed, four-legged singing genius, who, by the cruelty of Zeus, was split into two separate pieces, each [...]
As the local polls were closing last night, I sat in the American Idol Experience in Disney's Hollywood Studios, outside of Orlando. This is of course only partly by choice. The trip I had every say in, and the Election Day Hollywood Studios visit I agreed with. The American Idol Experience? I guess I acquiesced to that. Our friend, our hook-up for Disney goodness, was working on that particular entertainment, so we stopped by to give it a look.
Election Day is one of my favorite days ever. I'm a political junkie, in the good way and the bad way. The good way is that I'm actually informed, I [...]
It gets messy in the Idoldome. But all of the mania happens on stage, not in the audience. The colossal disco lights create a dizzying swirl. Fifteen-foot sheets of white fabric are propped up by a hurried squadron of grips. A pack of deposed Idols appears. They are chunkily boxstepping and no one can answer the question "How deep is your love?" Cameramen circle the 12th place and 4th place contestants as they try to remain on key, then, black-out. Poof! Ryan Seacrest materializes on a massive rafter, the two-chord theme for the show booms over the speakers, a disembodied voice screeches "Two minutes!" A man in a rhinestone [...]
An FCC survey of cell phone users has found that one in six have experienced what they're calling "bill shock," huge leaps in price for what the Boston Globe terms "inexplicable" reasons. Why? Has AT&T instituted a "spillage surcharge" every time its crappy service drops a call made from someplace not at all off the beaten path like, I don't know, its customer's street-facing bedroom? Nope!
The Best New Thing You Haven't Heard Of This Week: Seth Colter Walls and Maura Johnston On The New Newness, Strange Jazz, And The Semi-Return Of Hole
Seth Colter Walls: Maura, has it been a good first third of 2010, music-wise? What were the highlights? And what depressed the shit out of you? Maura Johnston: 2010 has actually been a great year for music. So far! And there's more to come!! Seth: Really? Because I've felt slightly… underwhelmed. (Though I'm glad you are confirming that the rest of calendar year 2010 is still to come.) Maura: Well, I know the whole existence of the future has been a cause for worry recently. But I am optimistic!
Here is the Lane Bryant ad (for underwear!) (worn by and marketed to plus-sized women!) that was apparently too hot for airing during Dancing With The Stars and American Idol because it showed a lady heading off for a "lunch" while wearing only a trenchcoat, some lingerie, and a pair of shoes. Whether or not this is some big publicity stunt that the plus-sized fashion retailer devised is up for debate. Maybe the standards and practices departments at ABC and Fox are simply anti-nooners in general! But it should be known that the store has put up an irritable blog post about the whole thing that also manages [...]
Sad news yesterday from Florida, where saxophonist Clarence Clemons, the big man who made all the little pretties raise their hands when he joined the E-Street Band in 1972, was left partially paralyzed after suffering a stroke at his home. He's had two brain surgeries, but is reportedly now in stable condition. Clemons, 69, plays on Lady Gaga's new album, on a song called "The Edge of Glory," and performed it with her on American Idol last month.
This happened last night, on TV. Let's just get into it.
1:39: Pinch your pointer finger against your thumb, bend out your elbows and shake those hips.
Also known as the "gettin' loose" move. Used by pretty much every female singer who ever sang a Motown song. Perfected by Aretha, who uses it in the following clip, at 0:16.
"Absolute rubbish… This story's three months old. There's more chance of you fucking me than Elton appearing on US Idol." -Gary Farrow, publicist for Elton John, vigorously disputes the rumor that the singer will replace Simon Cowell on "American Idol."
Paul Newman and James Dean were the two leading contenders for the part of Cal Trask, the dark-spirited lead in East of Eden. The screen test for the role was a face off between Dean and Newman. The two stood shoulder to shoulder, and then they were asked to glower at the camera. Dean was haunted, wry and burning with intensity, whereas Newman was flirty, caddish; he seemed to rely too much on his good looks. Lee Strasberg once supposedly told Newman that he could have been Brando-if he wasn't so damned pretty. It may or may not have been his looks, but there was something about Newman that prevented [...]
Richard Rushfield, the preeminent American Idol scholar of our time, and author of the forthcoming Hyperion book 'American Idol: The Last Empire,' has long maintained that the television singing competition show is being destroyed by young girls-but helped by older women voters. Natasha Vargas-Cooper, the preeminent scholar of lady sexuality since Camille Paglia went off wherever she did, and author of the forthcoming 'Mad Men Unbuttoned,' is not having it.
Natasha: Have you ever seen such a calculated and pandering move the likes of Casey James Singing to Older Ladies this week, with â€˜Mrs. Robinson'?
Richard: That was a brilliant maneuver worthy of Von Clausewitz in the [...]
Richard Rushfield, the preeminent 'American Idol' scholar of our time, and author of the forthcoming Hyperion book 'American Idol: The Last Empire,' has long maintained that the television singing competition show is being destroyed by young girls. Natasha Vargas-Cooper, the preeminent scholar of tween girls of our time, and author of the forthcoming 'Mad Men Unbuttoned,' has had enough. For better or for worse, we've asked them to take their ongoing argument on the matter public.