"Albany's celebrity bear has climbed its last tree." —I'm not happy about it either. Maybe just watch this instead to cheer yourself up.
There's a ton of actual news today, which is particularly unusual for a summer Friday. For instance, the New York State Senate is back in business, GM is out of bankruptcy, the other GM has returned to a pageview bonus system, and over in Iran-WAIT, BREAKING! ABC News has cleared Barack Obama of ass-gazing! They've got video and everything!
If the rumors are correct and New York Governor David Paterson does indicate that he is appointing a Lieutenant Governor during today's news conference, might we suggest he name "Good Morning America" anchor Chris Cuomo? In one swoop Paterson could add some sparkle to his administration, block out the Attorney General's inevitable challenge, and capitalize on the outpouring of grief over the passing of Michael Jackson. Just a thought!
It's still crazy up in New York state capital Crazytown, and now it's getting personal: "Furious over Gov. David Paterson's order that senators pay and per diems be withheld, Sen. Kevin Parker called him a 'coke-snorting, staff-banging'; governor. Shortly before midnight, Parker issued a statement of apology, saying: 'My conduct today was reprehensible and regrettable. I apologize to the Governor and the First Lady and I am profoundly sorry for any pain and suffering that I may have caused the Governor's family.'" There's sure to be plenty more excitement today, but this is one of the rare moments where I'm so disgusted by an ongoing story that I [...]
And so, yes indeed: at the expense of some coworkers, the curse of the lottery attaches itself to seven fresh victims, and workers at the New York state Division of Housing and Community Renewal will each take home $19.1 million. (Footnote: they're all IT workers! Which I kind of love. Also: wow, big IT department, am I right?) And now they are all going to die in horrible ways, as the lottery demands. The most important thing to know is: it seems reasonable to suggest that lottery winner Gabrielle Mahar has already won the lottery, if the photo of her with her boyfriend can be believed. [...]
Highly indictable Westchester resident Pedro Espada, Jr., is apparently returning to the Democratic fold, potentially ending the New York State Senate stalemate. Whoopdey-damn-doo.
When one considers the farcical situation in Albany the initial reaction is anger, followed quickly by a desire to apportion blame. Who's responsible for the total farce into which Crazytown has so willingly descended?
"To all 19.5 million people in the state of New York, we apologize. Sometimes you have a dysfunctional family, dysfunctional family members, but at the end of the day, we understand that we are all one family and we are all home now. Home to stay." -John L. Sampson (D-Brookln)
As rumored, New York Governor David Paterson named former MTA Chairman Richard Ravitch to the vacant position of Lieutenant Governor. The move signals Paterson's intention to guarantee that New York state politics will be embroiled in stasis and legal maneuvering until the end of time. The appointment was hailed by Albany correspondents throughout the state as "a bold step that will protect our journalism careers for at least another few months."
Earlier today, Senate Democrats in New York state capital Crazytown proclaimed that they had achieved a quorum in the chamber because Republican Sen. Frank Padavan-UNRELATED, but while you're here, isn't "Senator Padavan" some kind of character from Star Wars?-wandered through the chamber and "made eye contact" with the Senate clerk. The video of Gov. David Paterson above, in which he explains that, to be fair to all parties, he will not sign any legislation passed by the Democrats during the disputed eyeballing session, is pretty much all you need to know about exactly how ludicrous this entire situation is.
Meanwhile, up in Albany: State Supreme Justice Thomas McNarama told state senators to resolve the recent craziness by 1 P.M., or he would do it for them, warning that "I have no problem providing an answer to this question from a judicial standpoint. As a matter of public policy, you guys should work this out."