After editing an advice column for two years, I’ve decided that there is no such thing as advice. There are only problems and the ways people handle them. Advice, on the other hand, is when you hear a description of someone else's problem and then tell the person something about yourself. Hopefully whatever you say is funny or interesting, but it has little to do with actually helping anyone. It may seem or feel like it does, but there are always more variables than we'll ever be able to see or understand, and best case scenario you’re pressing on the problem a little bit in a way that engages [...]
I'm torn on advice. Sometimes you're given some and it matters right there on the spot. Then there's the advice that sits alongside pathetic life-as-lit, lit-as-life devices—think fantasies of watching your own funeral or accurately narrating your life as it unfolds. This is the kind of advice that, either in the moment or as memory, arrives perfectly formed and quotable, a single well-turned line that turns your life into a teaching tool for all humanity. And then there's the advice that slips by unnoticed at the time, that you cull meaning from only in retrospect, out of metaphysical necessity. How did I get here, anyway? Someone must have told me [...]
So this is the story of how, this year, my friends pushed me in a big direction with the advice to go back into therapy, get back on medication and stabilize my life.
First, a little background: I have struggled with periods of intense depression since high school. In college, I began to seek help. After a period of prescription missteps, the diagnosis began to shift. What at first appeared to be depression complicated by anxiety issues revealed itself to be something else entirely: Bipolar disorder, with all its peaks and crashes. High clarity and uncontrollable energy followed by a plummet into days or weeks of utter despondency. I was [...]
Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because suspending your disbelief burns 78 calories per hour!"
Polllyyyyyyy.
Relationship. 3.5 years. 2.5 of those years spent cohabiting. 1 year into the relationship, my brother died, and my family fell apart before my eyes. Around this time, the major, major conflicts in the relationship began. Fighting. Constantly. Me taking it out on him. Him letting me because he’s a good guy. Drinking too much. Having the most epic, awful fights. Things got better, gradually, with time, us giving each other more space, and him finally realizing that he needed to be in [...]
Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because Jesus cares less than you think he does!"
Dear Polly,
I recently started my dream job, at a growing startup, with a bunch of friends I really like and who inspire me. The company is growing quickly so I've been on the lookout for possible fellow travelers who are cool and organized and would fit in well with my team. My best friend recently recommended a young man for the team and told me in setting up the meeting, "You"ll love him!" Which, it turns out, I do.
The company is going [...]
Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Chicken tenders for that empty place where your soul should go!"
Dear Polly,
First of all, you must excuse my English, I'm actually French. Plus, I don't have autocorrect for English on this thing so I'm kind of forced to go with the flow. Anyway!
I know you already kind of wrote about that stuff but I'm still wondering if you'll help motivating me: I'm completely—and I mean it, completely—stuck on a guy.
We met each other in high school, kind of fell in love, kind of nothing happened because we [...]
