Alcohol Tastes Like Happiness: Science
Even a simple taste of alcohol fills your brain with sweet promises of incomparable delight, which explains why even that bottle of Cynar will eventually be empty.
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Gender Stereotypes Confirmed
Ladies are all "yak yak yak," while men are like, "Mm hmm," which is why the only way fathers can bond with their daughters is through sports.
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Lay Off The Sleeping Pills, Ladies!
Modern women, are you constantly feeling "drunk" even when you've had a break from drinking—perhaps during the six-hour break from alcohol known as bedtime? The latest problem you have may be more than a recycling bin full of wine bottles. The quack doctor who always writes those no-questions-asked 'scrips (recommended by the quack psychiatrist who keeps your amphetamine jar filled) may be double-dosing you with Ambien, the wildly popular sleeping pill that suffocates your nightly mental battle with the bug-eyed entities grandma called "demons" and your parents called "aliens" and your college friends called "machine elves" and your dog just barks at insanely, night after night. Why do [...]
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Eat Less Fat Yourself Less Fat
"Forget dieting; just cut down a little on the fat in what you eat and you'll lose weight. The confirmation that you can lose weight without eating less comes from a review of studies involving nearly 75,000 people – none of whom were trying to lose weight. The pounds fell off when they changed to a diet containing less fat." —Apparently, if most of what you can eat is food that is no fun, you will decrease the sad number of pounds you are shuffling along with. I imagine this would also work if you cut down a little on the alcohol, but I will allow Science to [...]
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Hellbound Americans Rapidly Abandoning God
The rest of the western world pretty much gave up on organized religion 40 years ago, but here in America we kept Christian-soldiering onward, because America is special that way. Or it was special that way: A shocking new study reveals that the number of Americans abandoning all religion jumped by 15% in the last half decade. With one in five Americans (five in five in New York) now in the "no religion" category, we should catch up with Europe by 2032 or so, by which point the Earth is expected to be a boiling cauldron anyway.
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Cruel Gender Derives Joy From Suffering Of Its Partners
Don't blame me, people. Science says this: "Men like it when women let them know when they're happy. Women like it when men share their anger and frustration."
Photo by Robert Kneschke, via Shutterstock
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Keep Dinner Boring If You Want To Live
"Couples who share a bottle of wine over dinner are putting their lives at risk, according to a report. The middle classes are unwittingly becoming ‘risky drinkers’ by regularly having wine with their evening meal, significantly increasing their susceptibility to conditions such as cancer and stroke. These ‘suburban tipplers’ rarely get drunk, never binge drink and are not heavily dependent on alcohol, but they are still putting their lives in jeopardy. And because women’s alcohol tolerance is lower than men’s, they are at greater risk than their partner if they each drink half of a bottle of wine. In total, some eight million adults are putting their health in [...]
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Sex And Lies! The Iffy Science Of Measuring Calories
As you may have heard, sex doesn't burn nearly as many calories as you might have been led to believe. But this is far from the only finding in obesity research that wilts under intense scrutiny, as the rest of this paper in the New England Journal of Medicine revealed. Each piece of received wisdom about weight-loss and dieting the study took on (eat fruits and vegetables! eat breakfast! etc.)—was found wanting. Conclusions: "False and scientifically unsupported beliefs about obesity are pervasive in both scientific literature and the popular press." What we think of as hard science can, it turns out, be pretty soft.
One example as [...]
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Heaviest Drinkers Cooler Longer
"People who grew up in states where it was legal to drink alcohol before age 21 are more likely to be binge drinkers later in life, according to a new study."
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Are Women The New Problem Drinkers, Because They Are Lady Binge-Drinkers?
Another glass ceiling has been shattered by women, as "binge drinking" is no longer just something most men do all the time. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, one-in-four college ladies and one-in-eight of all gals over 18 are dangerous binge drinkers, consuming up to … four alcoholic beverages per "binge." Four drinks is binge drinking, now?
These wild drunkards are going crazy with the four drinks up to … three times a month, according to the CDC. Well good gracious, that's almost having drinks on a single night of every weekend, as long as you don't drink at all on the fourth weekend. Further research may [...]
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On Smoking And Hangovers
"In order to ward off the hangover, Rohsenow suggested to HealthDay to drink lots of water and take a painkiller with aspirin or ibuprofen, but not acetaminophen (Tylenol), because it can cause liver damage when combined with alcohol. Drinking more to keep the hangover at bay, however, hasn't been studied, and seems counterintuitive, she pointed out." —Yes, Science Lady, it seems counterintuitive unless you've actually ever done it, in which case it is sometimes the difference between life and death (or, at least, moaning on the couch or doing somewhat more ambulatory moaning). In any event, this article is about how college students (and, presumably, those of us who [...]
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Drink Hard, Exercise Hard
"Of all individuals who exercise vigorously, heavy drinkers tend to exercise the hardest. University of Miami Researchers evaluated the self-reports of 230,000 people nationwide regarding their weekly exercise and drinking habits. Of those who reported participating in vigorous exercise, men and women who were considered heavy drinkers worked out 10 minutes more than moderate drinkers, and 20 minutes more than non-drinkers." —Um, good for those guys, I guess. Personally I think my dedication to drinking is so intense that it precludes any efforts at exercise, but, you know, to each her own. (But listen: YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ANYWAY. Skip the workout and have another. We end up [...]
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More Drunk People Answering Their Cellphones
Binge drinking—or, as some of us refer to it, "drinking"—is getting popular: "About 17 percent of U.S. adults, or 38 million people, say they binge drink, according to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Binge drinkers reported an average of four episodes a month, each consisting of eight drinks at most, according to the report, which is based on data gathered during a 2010 survey. The biggest group of binge drinkers are young adults, with about 28 percent of people between ages 18 and 24 reporting binge drinking. Men are twice as likely as women to say they binge drink…. A 2009 survey showed [...]
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College Kids Enjoy Alcohol, Study Finds
"A new study finds that many college students believe the positive effects of heavy drinking outweigh the negative consequences. According to study participants, heavy drinking increases courage, eases communication, and has other social benefits that overshadow negative effects of hangovers, fights and regrettable sexual situations." They left out the part about how alcohol also temporarily relieves the sorrowful burden of existence, but other than that I have to say that I am pretty impressed with the knowledge and understanding displayed by our nation's college students. It's a very proud day.
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England Totally Thinks The Rest Of The World Can't Tell It's Drunk
"England is a nation of secret boozers, with more than a third of the population drinking unhealthy quantities of alcohol, new research has suggested."
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God Still Trying To Figure Out Whether San Francisco Should Beat Baltimore
"More than one-third (36%) of Americans who live in the South agree that God plays a role in determining which team wins a sporting event, compared to nearly 3-in-10 (28%) Americans who live in the Midwest, 1-in-5 (20%) Americans who live in the Northeast, and 15% of Americans who live in the West. Republicans (25%) are, however, equally as likely as Democrats (28%) and independents (26%) to agree that God plays a role in determining which team wins a sporting event." —It's almost time for America's annual passion play. Let's hope God can take a break from killing Muslim kids in Syria to bless the most-deserving group of gigantic [...]
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American Teens Lamer Than Ever: Study
"Cigarette use among U.S. teenagers fell to historic lows and a four-year rise in marijuana use appears to have leveled off, according to a national study released Wednesday."
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Science Finally Resolves The 'When Harry Met Sally' Conundrum
"Can heterosexual men and women ever be 'just friends'?" [SPOILER: The women can.]
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Here's Another Part Of Your Body Having A Child Will Mess Up
Ladies, you know that baby you so desperately want, the one that you are racing against time and your decaying ovaries to have, because, really, what is the point of being a woman if not to make a child? Sure, we can talk about "fulfillment" and "career" and "potential" as much as you want, but we all know that at the end of the day society is going to judge you on whether or not you've squeezed out a tiny version of yourself. And it's not just society, it's YOU. If you don't procreate you are going to spend the rest of your life hating yourself, wallowing in misery [...]
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What Happens When You Get Drunk In Strange Places
You are more likely to be a jackass while drunk if you are in unfamiliar surroundings, a study (and thousands of years of observing human drunkenness) has found.
