Maybe we’re all just too tired to be outraged over the fact that so much viral traffic is based on bullshit. I would get cynical and conspiratorial and tell you that’s how They Want You To Feel, but the sad fact is They don’t give a shit what you’re feeling so long as you click. And share. We can talk about this again next week when something similar happens.

33. Beets
32. Corn
31. Hearts of Palm
30. Grapes
29. Stuffed Grape Leaves
28. Sunflower Seeds
27. Raisins
26. Black Beans
25. Kidney Beans
24. Tomatoes
23. Sprouts
22. Grilled Onions
21. Roasted Peppers
20. Carrots
19. Apples
18. Hot Peppers
17. Edamame
16. Artichokes
15. Craisins
14. Croutons
13. Cucumbers
12. Black Olives
11. Bell Peppers
10. Almonds
9. Broccoli
8. Pecans
7. Asparagus
6. Chickpeas
5. Green Olives
4. Sundried Tomatoes
3. Walnuts
2. Fresh Onions
1. Jalapenos

The bands Black Flag and Boston have new albums out today. No, no, it’s still 2013, you didn’t magically fall into some kind of wormhole and travel backwards through time until you landed in the ’80s, although if you had you would almost certainly have used your knowledge of the era to amass a fortune so vast that the rest of us could only observe you with impotent rage and a fierce, unstinting envy as you traveled around the world to your various rich-person mansions and resorts. Hell, you could probably hire Black Flag to open for Boston at your birthday party. Man, now I want to travel back in time. I’m sorry, where was I?

“Unbelievable, like something out of a movie,” says the reporter covering the story of the homeless man who took a ferry for a joy ride in Seattle, which either says something about the shocking level of skepticism in the Emerald City or the low quality of film they get out west. Anyway, I woke up this morning thinking about the phrase “looky-loo,” wondering if anyone used it anymore. I guess people do! Life’s funny like that sometimes.

You Will Never Believe Why Koalas’ Voices Are So Deep But I Bet I Can Guess What You’re Thinking The Reason Is

“The pitch of male koalas’ mating calls is about 20 times lower than it should be, given the Australian marsupial’s relatively small size. Now, researchers reporting in the Cell Press journal Current Biology on December 2 have discovered their secret: gigantic koala dongs that make even elephant penises look diminutive by comparison.”

“Twenty years ago, a sad and lonely gay man sat down with a pair of scissors and a glue stick and said, ‘I think I’ll make a magazine.’” What happened next will explode your heart, bring a tear to your eye and make you think differently about everyone you’ve ever met.

“Now the chemical snip! Male pill works like a vasectomy — but will girls trust men to take it?”

Happy birthday to John Michael Osbourne. There are so many groundbreaking performances to choose from it seems almost comical that we’re going with this one, and yet here we are. Anyway, authorities in whom I have the greatest trust on the matter assure me that 13, Black Sabbath’s most recent record, is actually quite good, so if that’s the sort of thing you’ve been waiting to hear consider it vouched for.

“Hong Kong confirmed its first case of deadly H7N9 bird flu on Monday in a further sign that the virus is continuing to spread beyond mainland China’s borders.”

by Awl Sponsors

There are some moments in life that require a little extra effort. Here are some of our favorites, brought to you by the delicious caramel, chocolate and nougat inside every Milky Way®

Oragami

Source: reddit.com

High fives

Source: blog.giphy.com

Low fives

Source: tumblr

Staring contests

Source: Gifbay.com

Catching flies with chopsticks

This

Source: Jimloy.com

Post Thanksgiving digestion

Source: Tumblr

This Game

And THIS one…

Source: Photo Bucket: Paul T. Baker

Okay, this one too

Source: TheStrong.org

Those magic eye books from the 90s

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Blowing out birthday candles

Source: CinemaAmonAmour

Spell casting

Source: AllMovieGifs.tumblr

Catching this guy

Source: Tumblr: Fuortris

Did we mention high fives?

Source: MyLittleMiki

And last but not least, eating one of these…

This post is brought to you by the delicious caramel, chocolate and nougat inside every Milky Way®