It says here that three of the publishers doing the most important work in an era of short attention spans and [emoji signifying the decline of functional literacy] are And Other Stories, Europa Editions and New York Review Books. Here’s an interview with NYRB founder Edwin Frank that gives a good idea of exactly what their mission is. If you recently spent some time, say, watching a piece of fruit explode, checking out their catalog might be a good way to expiate that sin.

25. Telephone

24. Telegraph

23. Image capture/film recording

22. Sound recording

21. Aspirin

20. The combined oral contraceptive pill

19. Air travel

18. Water and sewerage systems

17. Refrigeration

16. Rail travel

15. Invention of the printing press

14. Invention of the internal combustion engine

13. Telescope

12. Compass

11. Sea travel

10. Discovery of penicillin

9. Sterilization/pasteurization

8. Vaccination

7. Harnessing of electricity

6. Development of the written word

5. Development of agriculture

4. Creation of the wheel

3. Hamilton

2. Development of the spoken word

1. Control of fire

“The story of the Hum begins… far from the hustle and bustle of cities, where stillness blankets everything. That’s where you hear it, and that’s where it becomes intolerable. After it was first reported in Bristol, it emerged in Taos, New Mexico; Kokomo, Indiana; Largs, Scotland. A small city newspaper would publish a report of a local person suffering from an unidentified noise, followed by a torrent of letters to the editor with similar complaints.”
 — What is the Hum? Is this bizarre auditory sensation something that can be explained by Science or is it just another example of how the modern world both makes people crazy and gives crazy people a larger platform by which to broadcast their craziness to everyone else? Learn more here!

This won’t be to everyone’s taste, but given the day and given the hour I am not exactly in the world’s most people-pleasing mood. But Al, you ask, when are you ever in a people-pleasing mood? Fuck you, you don’t know me well enough to call me Al. Take this Tim Hecker and stuff it up your enjoy hole and maybe in an hour or so I will be a little less surly. Even if I’m not you’ll sit there and take it, because it can’t all be sunshine and candy-covered compliments coming out of me all the time. You people are SUFFOCATING ME WITH YOUR DEMANDS. Oh, sorry, I got off track there. Let’s try that again. Hey, here’s a video from that new Tim Hecker album, which is pretty good. Enjoy!

“This is a breaking story,” Mr. Sanders said smiling, when asked how he liked his hot dog. “Mustard and sauerkraut.”

His wife frowned. “Ketchup, sometimes onions,” Ms. Sanders said.

— Michael Stipe was there too, and this is the only kind of political reporting I want to read from now until November. Related: @berniethoughts.

★★★ Morning was mild and damp, poised between two unpleasantnesses. The green tinge on the trees on the crosstown street couldn’t keep the darker gray over the park from seeming Novemberish. The showers came, but never too severely. An umbrella out on Fifth Avenue went inside-out, but it was a very flimsy-looking umbrella. For a little while, the sky was blue over still-wet pavement. Then the blue raced off and the gray raced in again. The late light came in clear and certain, though, under variously gray on white, white and blue, and uptown gray on gray. The clouds were lovely and majestic. It seemed necessary to remark aloud that one, gold-tinged in the west, looked like an elephant, even if the legs took some extrapolation. The upthrust trunk was indisputable.

This is plenty pretty. There are some weird sounds bubbling under but do not let them distract you from the plenitude of prettiness up top. Enjoy. Your weekend is almost here!

And is that really the most important question?

Is alcohol good for you? It’s a perennial question that defies easy answer because nobody fucking knows anything. It’s a whole lot of maybes and guesswork and “well, it did fine on dogs, it should probably be okay for people.” It could be bad. It could be good. It could be neither. Nobody knows. Even the conjectures are shot through with caveats. Listen up: I am not by credential a scientist, but I’ve got Nobel Prize-level expertise at telling other people how to live their lives, so I will say to you here, on the subject of alcohol, if you are medically and spiritually able to drink it, do so. Whether or not alcohol provides any benefits to your health, what it is fucking amazing at is warming you up on the inside, making the people around you more interesting, filling your eyes with a bright glow that is too often dimmed by experience and softening all the harsh, painful edges you spend your days trying to dodge with limited success. Alcohol is a big puffer coat for your brain that insulates it from the cold gusts of reality. Do you know how terrible reality is? Of course you do. It’s why people do almost anything they can to avoid it. It’s why there’s alcohol in the first place. Who gives a shit if it helps you live longer? Knowing how fucking nightmarish life is to start with in what world does “aids longevity” count as a recommendation? Good Lord, in alcohol you already have the perfect product for dulling your awareness of your painful, pathetic existence. Every glass offers the promise of possibility and the sweet mystery of what might happen next. Don’t get greedy.

27. Cream of anything
26. All other chowders
25. Bisques, any kind
24. Potato-intensive anything
23. Misc. cheese-based
22. Cold sweet fruit-based bullshit that, come the fuck on, I wanted soup
21. Mulligatawny
20. Nettle
19. Callaloo
18. Borscht
17. Split pea
16. Borscht
15. Miso
14. Gazpacho
13. Misc. bean-based
12. Pozole
11. Tom yum
10. Hot and sour
9. Tomato
8. Minestrone
7. Cioppino
6. Gumbo
5. Pho
4. Manhattan Clam Chowder
3. French onion
2. Classic chicken
1. Italian Wedding

Photo: “A bowl of the famous Senate bean soup served in the Dirksen Building, September 2014.”

When They Called It The Trial Of The Century I Didn’t Know They Meant That Was How Long We Were Going To Have To Hear About It For

I didn’t watch the O.J. show — as someone who lived through the ’90s when they first came around I am vexed and baffled by the insistence that we do it all over again; I don’t blame young people here, because they are too dumb to know better, but if you are over 35 and you’re excited to bang your head against that wall one more time you should be ashamed of yourself — but this is remarkably well done and worth your time if you’re inclined to go down that road once more.