Emily Gould’s home cooking and book chat show, produced by Val Temple, gets a visit from Marisa Meltzer, author of the brand-new Girl Power: The Nineties Revolution in Music. You will also remember Marisa as the author of last summer’s serial novella Managed Expectations and the co-author of How ‘Sassy’ Changed My Life.

A moon off Saturn is is spouting water in such a way as to indicate the presence of, you know, a whole bunch of water. Cameras on NASA’s Cassini probe (helmed by our favorite astronaut/rock star Dr. Carolyn Porco) first captured images of water vapor and ice particles shooting through cracks near the south pole of Enceladus, a small moon, about one-seventh the size of Earth’s, six years ago. But physical samples of stuff, taken more recently with an on-board plasma spectrometer (I totally have to get one of those) reveal the presence of negatively charged water particles-usually evidence of liquid water activity such as crashing waves.

“While it’s no surprise that there is water there, these short-lived ions are extra evidence for sub-surface water,” said Dr. Andrew Coates from University College London’s Mullard Space Science Laboratory. “And where there’s water, carbon and energy, some of the major ingredients for life are present.”

Spouting water, of course, generally indicates the presence of space dolphins. SPACE DOLPHINS!

Winter has not yet even undone its belt for tomorrow’s big SNOW-PLOUGHING, but the Department of Education has already given the city’s kids the day off. Expect to get hit in the head with at least three snowballs by noon. And probably some batteries. They’re vicious, those kids.

A survey of British voters finds the majority “deeply pessimistic about the state of Britain today, believing that society is broken and heading in the wrong direction” with almost 60% saying “that they hardly recognise the country they are living in, while 42 per cent say they would emigrate if they could.” This is interesting: I was reading an article in this week’s Economist (sorry, that line reeks of “I’ll take ‘Things Douchebags Say’ for $1000, Alex”) on “Broken Britain” which reported that, actually, things aren’t that bad.

The heightened fears are a puzzle to criminologists, who point out that over the past 15 years Britain has experienced a steady, deep fall in crime. The statistics are notoriously hard to interpret, but according to the British Crime Survey, the Home Office’s most reliable measure though still far from perfect, crime overall has dropped by 45% since its peak in 1995. A big chunk of that fall is owing to reductions in vehicle theft and domestic burglary, for which alarm manufacturers and increased householder vigilance probably deserve as much credit as the police. But violent crime has fallen too. It is now almost half what it was in 1995, and no higher than in 1981.

The article goes on to note that while “the number of murders involving ‘sharp instruments’ (bottles as well as knives) has risen slightly,” gun murders have not risen and homicides are at their lowest level in 19 years.

So why the huge discrepancy between perception and reality? One theory holds that Britons are a bunch of miserable cunts who always see the worst in everything. The Economist suggests rising expectations in the state’s ability to curtail crime results in disappointment when people still see yobs in hoodies hanging out on corners. And, of course, stories like this one or this one-”The dramatic increase will fuel fears about the growing underclass of teen yobs terrorising communities across Britain.”-can’t help.

Since the beginning of time, all mothers have been bald or at least quite nearly hairless. In these heady modern times, notes a new child-haver, mothers may have hair. Writes mother Alex Kuczynski: “The mother with the long, unrestrained locks is something odd, and relatively new.” [N.B. The word “nanny” does not appear in this cultural meditation.]

This odd profile today in the Times of the current state of New York office-building-owning real estate royalty indicates that they are all just fine and dandy! The Rudins, the Dursts, the Roses-they have weathered the storms (now all long past, apparently?) and there’s not a single bit of data in this accounting about any upcoming lease expirations or negotiations or regarding any possible dropping of rental prices per square foot. The only bit of contrast to their apparent success offered is the disaster facing solely residential developers, like Shaya Boymelgreen, in deep trouble for having jumped wholeheartedly into providing a glut of luxury condos. Somehow still, the Speyers end up on the outs here, due to their recent loss of Stuyvesant Town-even as, just last June, they were the family dynasty to worship. Also: not a mention of the arriviste Trumps or the Kushners.

This was probably a bad idea: “Asian-American activists offended that MARTA re-named the train line into the heart of Atlanta’s Asian community the ‘yellow line’ will take their objections to the transit agency’s chief on Friday. ‘Yellow,’ as a term for skin color, carries a generally negative, racist connotation among Asians.” [Via]

Turns out there is something called “thirdhand smoke” and it will kill all of you that the first two hands have not managed to dispatch. Especially CHILDREN, who-in an alarming new trend-now put things in their mouths. Smokers: They are a cancer on society. (Haha, get it?)

This is a weird chapter in New York state politics! Just like the previous eighteen weird chapters. You know, there’s the chapter where some politicians changed parties for a while and brought Albany to a complete halt and also of course The Chapter About The Face-Slasher, who may or may not be expelled from the Senate today. Now we have lonely Rick Lazio, the Republican contender for Governor, who has written a letter to the Times demanding that the paper immediately publish its forthcoming David Paterson story, which may or may not be about anything at all! (Sidenote: It’s about something, as far as we know, but you know, who cares any more? Also? Paterson is saying “There is no story!” Meanwhile, his semi-defenders at the Post still write today: “Sources said Paterson plans to meet today with the paper’s editors and reporters in hopes of heading off a damaging story.” Heh?) So what have we all learned from this? All we’ve learned that Rick Lazio isn’t all that bright.

Tonight will be the final installment of “The Jay Leno Show,” so expect all the questions you’ve had this season to be answered and all the mysteries resolved. SPOILER ALERT: It turns out that Jay sucks.