“Trenton police say a man sneaked into police headquarters and stole a police radio, a computer monitor and a sergeant’s attache case. Anthony Williams was arrested Sunday after authorities said he tried to sell the radio to customers at a Taco Bell drive-through. Police say a video shows Williams attempting to get into the police station, but being turned away. Later, authorities say the 41-year-old walked into an office when no one was manning the security station in the lobby. They say Williams spoke on the police radio, which helped police realize the device was missing.”
–The Asbury Park Press reports the news. Trenton is New Jersey’s state capitol.

To the world of commerce: “Walgreen Co. agreed buy Duane Reade from private-equity firm Oak Hill Capital Partners for $1.08 billion, including assumed debt, making the nation’s largest drug-store chain also the market leader in New York City.” How great is that? Once Walgreens and Duane Reade join forces, they can get their most efficient staff members together and really put forth a top-notch, super-fast customer experience for-sorry, it is just too early in the morning to try to make this one work.

Ha ha, oh look, it’s the David Paterson story in the New York Times! You might have heard such a thing was maybe coming?

The 32 Possible Side Effects of Using CHANTIX, a Non-Nicotine Prescription Medicine Specifically Developed to Help Adults 18 and Over Quit Smoking, In Order

32. Hostility
31. Aggression
30. Mania
29. Suicidal thoughts
28. Abnormal sensations
27. Hallucinations
26. Anxiety
25. Panic
24. Agitation
23. Anger
22. Depression
21. Changes in behavior
20. Changes in thinking
19. Paranoia
18. Confusion
17. Worsening mental health problems
16. Rash
15. Redness
14. Peeling of skin
13. Life-threatening allergic reactions
12. Swelling of the face
11. Swelling of the mouth
10. Swelling of the throat
9. Trouble breathing
8. Rash
7. Blisters in your mouth
6. Nausea
5. Sleep problems
4. Constipation
3. Vomiting
2. Suicidal actions
1. Gas

“Men’s ski events delayed due to snow.” IDK? Related! We are taking the rest of the day off in sympathy. (And due to extremely poor server performance.)

It’s snowing outside! Still! While it’s nothing that’s going to stick, it’s the kind of persistent flurry that stings your face and makes smoking a cigarette slightly more difficult. And that’s your local weather at whatever time it is this goes up.

When a U.S. Ambassador attempted to interrupt a meeting in Qatar between Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton a Turkish ambassador moved to prevent it. The result? “Both diplomats then proceeded to grab each other by the neck and had to be separated by officials. Supposedly, after they were separated, the US ambassador proceeded to kick the doors in anger.” Diplomacy!

I got all excited-and then found out that it was one of those newfangled “ironic” headlines on this dad-blogger guide that PURPORTEDLY explains “How to Raise Racist Kids.” It isn’t really helping me in my quest to make various children more racist! It does suggest a few tips for making your kids “more racist,” such as pretending “everybody’s equal” and claiming that “simply putting our kids in a diverse environment will teach them that diversity is natural and good” doesn’t work. I don’t know, I’ve discovered more consistent techniques, like watching Lou Dobbs and going to skinhead-run dog fights.

Remember Rom Houben, the Belgian man who was supposedly completely conscious during a 23-year coma? Back in November there was some controversy around the contention that Houben was able to communicate his ordeal “with assistance from an aide who helps guide his finger to letters on a flat computer keyboard.” Well, guess what?

Steven Laureys of the University of Liège in Belgium, who first diagnosed Houben as conscious, but dissociated himself from the communication fiasco, has carried out subsequent tests to see if Houben is capable of this kind of communication. He concludes that the speech therapist holding Houben’s finger was in fact the source of the messages.

Scans of Houben’s brain activity reveal behavior “only slightly differently from that of a healthy brain,” leaving researchers “fairly certain” that he is in fact conscious, so studies will continue, but the mystery is still unresolved.

The sound quality is not great, but it’s awesome to watch this footage of His Royal Badness strutting around a 1984 rehearsal session, sliding across the floor, doing splits, leading the Revolution through the stage routine steps. Of course, well…