There’s been another blow struck to the national heritage of Knifecrime Island, as the severed hand of swindling cardsharp was stolen from the pub in Wiltshire where it had been on display for nearly a century. The vexed spirit of its owner, thought to still be a regular at the establishment, will no doubt be even more troubled by this disturbing bit of metacarpal thievery.

According to local legend the ghost of the Demented Whist Player is said to haunt the pub.

Pub owner Antony Leroy added: ‘Visitors here often comment on feeling strangely cold in certain parts of the building and staff are regularly frustrated when items are moved or hidden, only to reappear a few weeks later.

‘It is thought that the Demented Whist Player is tormented by the loss of his hand, which was severed in a card game because of cheating.’

Even worse, notes a bartender, “We’ve got a big group of school children waiting to see it who are going to be very disappointed.” This is truly tragic. If a group of youngsters cannot go to a tavern to see the mummified limb of a dishonest gambler-a national symbol of the nation’s penchant for knifing-can we really consider Britain to be a civilized society anymore? It says here no.

“As I brought my hand down from the rail on the 2 train today at around 10:10 AM, I smashed it into your morning java, sending it spilling all over the floor. I shouted sorry and tried to find you on the platform, but I was tired, confused, and the platform was a bit crazy, so I proceeded on to work with a great lump of guilt in my heart.” An Awl reader promises to buy you replacement coffee if you were the lady who was so atrociously mistreated this morning.

Megs alerts us to the current plight of Timmy from Jurassic Park, who is now hot. And in his mid-20s. And in that The Pacific show we’re not watching. Sady Doyle notes that this is Joseph Gordon-Levitt Syndrome, which goes something like “first you’re like awww, then you’re like huh, then you’re like WHAAAAAT.” THE MORE YOU KNOW.

This is true enough, and the tone is just right: “In most of this country and much of the world, buildings have numbers on them on the outside. The numbers correspond to the building’s street address. For example, the building at 100 Main Street will often have the numeral “100” affixed to it. These numbers are used to identify the building and to help people find it.

In New York City, we do things a little differently.”

Ooh, hyper-modern ethics questions! My favorite. “I went to high school with a girl who I came across on Facebook. She’s clearly got an eating disorder. What on earth do I do? I can’t just friend her, and say, ‘Hey! We went to high school together twelve years ago and I just found your profile, and you need some help! Go Bulldogs!’” That would be amusing. But one answer for sure is of interest.

“Do you stop women on the street to deliver critiques of their body weight and diagnose them with eating disorders based on your total non-knowledge of their situations? Would you want that sort of intrusion on your own person from strangers?

No?

Don’t do it on the Internet.”

What’s this crazy idea about acting on the Internet like you do in the real one? I must go away and think about this.

Virginia Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, has formed “a nonprofit lobbying group whose website will organize activism around a set of conservative ‘core principles,’ she said.” Here’s some reaction to this news: “Really, considering these people threw the goddamned presidential election in 2000, are we now supposed to feign outrage over one of their spouses being a common teabagger?” It does seem rather small potatoes when you put it that way.

Yeah, whatever, I’m sure you’ve seen it. Too bad, watch it again. Because today the Internet is Charlie, and I am the older brother. There’s a chance of sun tomorrow though. That ought to help, right? RIGHT?

The RNC has released a research document with the headline “Ohio Dems Are All Verklempt Thanks To Obama’s Meshugeh Health Care Experiment.” I… just don’t know. [Via]

With a couple thousand uses of “bitches” in the last year alone in the Times, it seems surprising indeed that Sia Michel couldn’t quote the “three unprintable words” that Creem once used to review The Runaways. (They were “These bitches suck.”) But you know: standards aren’t uniform at the Times, we learn over and over again.

An Australian investigation “analysing a five-day working week in the media, across 10 hard-copy papers… found that nearly 55% of stories analysed were driven by some form of public relations.” I’m sure figures for newspapers in this country would be completely different.