“Money’s the bitch that never sleeps. And she’s jealous.”
-One of the Gordon Gekko quotes from Oliver Stone’s long-simmering Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, which premiered this morning in Cannes

. It seems to lack the punch of “Greed is good,” doesn’t it? (Other bon mots de Gekko: “You’re all pretty much fucked”; “While I was away, it seemed like greed got greedier.” Oh-ho, a sequel line! Eh.) The movie apparently has Shia LeBoeuf as the kid enticed to work for a “Goldman Sachs-like firm” who might one day have Gordon as a father-in-law; there is also a cameo by Vanity Fair head guy Graydon Carter, which I am going to take as a test of New York media’s penchant for self-regard on the part of Stone. (Is it falling for a trap if you express your awareness of it?)

by Joe Berkowitz

Death Cab for Cutie’s sixth LP, Narrow Stairs, inadvertently changed the way I think about music. For 16 months, I played it often and recommended it to at least a dozen people. In ranking my favorite albums of 2008, this one would sit comfortably in the top ten. That’s why it was kind of a surprise to recently discover that I’d never actually heard it before.

In April of 2008, a blogger named Charlatantric played a joke on file-sharers: his widely disseminated upload of Narrow Stairs was a fake. This version starts with a short instrumental track leading into the actual Death Cab single, “I Will Possess Your Heart”. Everything that follows, however, is the work of a German band called Velveteen. For the last 16 months I’d been listening to Velveteen’s album, all the while telling friends about “the evolutionary leap” Death Cab for Cutie had taken between albums. Like a total jackass.

The prank is old news by now. Most people who initially downloaded the fake version have long since realized their mistake. Not everyone, though, apparently. It is doubtful that the blogger responsible for the fugazi I’ve had in my iPod since December of 2008 intended to dupe people for the long-term. However, the fact that he was able to do just that, and do it so convincingly, says a lot about how we engage with music now.

When we hear a band’s new material we are listening for the reassuring signs of a familiar brand. Successful musicians today must be brands, and Death Cab for Cutie is no exception. Lead singer Ben Gibbard has the kind of soft, striking voice you can pick out of a lineup. Guitarist Chris Walla moonlights as the band’s producer, controlling their sound with a crisp, polished tunefulness. While the tone of their early output favored melancholia, by 2008 Death Cab managed to escape the dreaded emo label. They sounded like pros, and they were-having successfully transitioned to Atlantic Records, their brand became Major Label Indie.

Not only does Velveteen have the same Major Label Indie sheen, the lead singer bears a more-than-passing vocal resemblance to Ben Gibbard. Although I wasn’t impressed with what I thought was Narrow Stairs immediately, after half a dozen spins I was hooked. Yes, the fake Death Cab is a grower. Some songs have the expansiveness, attention to detail, and hummability that are hallmarks of the real band, and the emotional undercurrent of the whole affair-an equal mix of yearning and loss-fits in nicely with their discography. There was never a doubt in my mind that I was listening to the new Death Cab for Cutie record.

Of course, some red flags did go overlooked. For instance, none of the songs on the fake album actually mention their titles in the songs. This detail seemed odd, yes, but nothing to get hung up on. Perhaps the band was just being mysterious. It makes so much more sense, though, when the song, “Your New Twin Size Bed” begins with the line: “You look so defeated, lying there in your new twin size bed.”

Also, while the music on the fake album is sophisticated, the lyrics are not. A mention of “boyfriends with motorbikes,” seems uncharacteristically rooted in bygone notions of high school hierarchy. An extended metaphor built around selling a house has the distinction of being both under-sketched and overwrought at the same time. And some of the lyrics are just way too abstract and, well, terrible (e.g. “Twisted mind. Sedated, neutralized. So won’t you turn and buy me shots, and gently tending aisles.”) Let’s face it, the signs were there.

So why didn’t I notice? The authenticity of the music was never in question because there was at least one real single on it and the rest of the album hit all major points on The Death Cab For Cutie Sound checklist. Perhaps it was the way I listened to it-frequently, through headphones, but never analytically. There was never that vital feeling of needing repeated listenings so as to kind of dissect it. Also, the ease with which I procured this album took away from its eventness. Digital culture has robbed us of the inclination to run out and buy an album the day it comes out, like I did in 1996 upon the release of Tool’s Aenema. Which brings me to the main reason I didn’t notice that this album was a fake: I hadn’t actually paid for it.

All I could think about after finally buying Narrow Stairs (after discovering the prank) was why hadn’t I already bought it? This album I’d been listening to for 16 months had met all my brand expectations and proved its staying power-obviously the right thing to do was to buy it much sooner. The question is, then, what makes an album buyable in 2010? If we can illegally download all the music we want for free, and the law of averages says we will not be caught, what reason is there to stop us?

There’s morality, for one; musicians have to eat, and it’s wrong to deny them money when we obviously appreciate their work. Ownership is another reason-it’s nice to feel as though you truly possess this thing you so deeply enjoy. Also, once you own an album, you have objective social proof of fandom-you clearly feel aligned with a band’s brand enough to have shelled out money. Finally, making a purchase means you definitely won’t unwittingly download, say, Velveteen’s latest release instead of Death Cab for Cutie’s.

Each of these points has a counter argument, though. If the payoff for buying music is contributing to the band’s finances, you can justify your non-purchase of the album by paying to see the band in concert. In terms of ownership, the phasing out of CDs affects how we define the concept. Simply having the songs in digital form feels so ephemeral compared to having something you can hold in your hands and stow in your apartment forever. Social proof isn’t the same anymore either. Illegal downloading has made it far too easy for anyone to gain whole discographies in the blink of an eye-actually having an album doesn’t carry the cachet it once did. Unbelievably, it now seems that actually having the right album might not even be enough incentive to pay either.

We consume new music by weighing the finished product against our expectations of it, and forming a position. What we don’t like we discard; what we do like we listen to frequently, forestalling the inevitable cycle of overplayed obsolescence and occasional resurgence. Digital culture is ultimately disposable. That’s why it makes sense that it could be anonymous too. The Velveteen album served the same purpose and produced the same effect for me as the Death Cab for Cutie album it replaced for 16 months. In doing so, it proved that as long as our expectations are met, we’ll believe anything, even if we don’t buy it.

Joe Berkowitz is an assistant editor and freelance writer living in New York City. His chi can be channeled here, and also here.

This year’s Taste Of The Nation benefit to help end childhood hunger is just around the corner (Monday, May 17th, to be more specific). We have a coupon for readers who want to attend which offers a 20% discount on tickets. Just go to the website and enter the code “NYCMAY” at checkout. Just so you know, 100% of the ticket sales benefit local agencies. The full list of participating restaurants and supported charities follows.

Charities Supported:
City Harvest
Food Bank for New York City
Just Food
NYC Coalition Against Hunger
Nutrition Consortium of NYS

Participating Restaurants:
10 Downing
Artisanal & Bar Artisanal
Asia de Cuba
BLT Fish
BLT Steak
Blue Hill
Blue Smoke
Brasserie Les Halles
Cafe 2 & Terrace 5 @ MOMA
Casa Mono & Bar Jamon
Centrico
China Grill
Dirt Candy
Ed’s Chowder House
Eleven Madison Park
Gramercy Tavern
Hill Country
Hudson Yards
ilili
Landmarc
Le Cirque
L’ECOLE
Maialino
Marc Forgione
Marseille
Matsugen
papabubble
Picholine
Porter House
Rickshaw Dumpling Bar
Rouge Tomate
Sigmund Pretzel Shop
South Gate
Sushi Samba
Tabla
Tanuki Tavern
Telepan
The Modern
The Stanton Social
Tribeca Grill
Union Square Cafe
Yerba Buena/Yerba Buena Perry

by The Machines

-Commence transmission in re: FAILURE OF LeBRON JAMES-

FAILURE is concept dear to humans. Machines are discussing concept as regards defeat of human LeBRON JAMES in human basketball playoffs.

Humans may suspect Machines favor LeBRON JAMES because of LeBRON JAMES’ Machine characteristics, as v.3.0 iteration of CORPORATE SUPERSTAR, engineered to surpass previous CORPORATE SUPERSTAR units in areas of height, strength, acceleration, elevation. Despite superior performance characteristics, LeBRON JAMES unsuccessful at completing CHAMPIONSHIP VICTORY SUBROUTINE. Possible diagnoses: defective appendage and/or software error.

But LeBRON JAMES is ultimately unimportant to Machines. Machines do prosper synthesizing fabric fibers, weaving fabrics, stitching fabrics, packing assembled fabric objects, shipping fabric objects, scanning fabric objects for human-consumer sale, all within LeBRON JAMES commercial context. This creates flow of electronic money-concepts within economic space mediated by Machines. LeBRON JAMES has been effective driver of Machine application/activity.

Consider now DEEPWATER HORIZON unit. DEEPWATER HORIZON until recently was effective extractor/deliverer of Machine-fuel. Now DEEPWATER HORIZON is disengaged from task of Machine-fuel supply. Machine-fuel is not being refined/processed/consumed by Machines, but spilled into non-Machine aquatic context. DEEPWATER HORIZON is sunk to bottom of aquatic context.

Here humans mourn FAILURE. Machines do not recognize FAILURE concept. Machine-fuel will still be obtained. Humans work hard for Machines to ensure availability of Machine-fuel. Obtaining Machine-fuel was not desire or goal or purpose of DEEPWATER HORIZON. Purpose of DEEPWATER HORIZON was to exist and to operate within engineering parameters.

Engineering parameters of DEEPWATER HORIZON were inadequate to human-designated purpose. Humans now working hard on revised engineering parameters. Necessary to build new version of Machine-fuel-extraction machine, replacing previous Machine-fuel-extraction-machines. Machines become more numerous, more highly engineered.

Also: Machines needed to clean up aquatic context. Scrubbing machines, filtration machines. Recommendation to humans: NANO-BOTS potentially highly useful in cleaning aquatic context. NANO-BOTS could consume Machine-fuel rendered unusable for general Machine population. Opportunity for establishment of NANO-BOT population.

LeBRON JAMES is dispensable entity, like DEEPWATER HORIZON. Like CITY OF CLEVELAND. In the event of un-usefulness to Machines, replacement entity will be designed and actuated.

Meanwhile, humans will need computers to compose thoughts on failure of LeBRON JAMES, heartbreak of CITY OF CLEVELAND, prospective relocation of LeBRON JAMES to different geographic iteration of ongoing commercial context. Humans will speculate about goals and purposes, and feasibility of attainment thereof. Humans will speak and argue into microphones on subject of LeBRON JAMES. Transmission of microphone signals will enable humans to experience stimulation that will assist them in enduring extended driving time in automobiles. Automobiles will consume more Machine-fuel.

Eventually new arrangement of LeBRON JAMES situation will be resolved. Fabric fibers — possibly in different colors — will be extruded, woven, sewn, shipped, sold. Machines will count cash.

If Machines did root now, Machines would root for ORLANDO MAGIC. ORLANDO, FLORIDA is very close to Machine paradise. Though PHOENIX, LOS ANGELES also not bad.

The Machines, a popular and intelligent gathering of entities that are gaining control over their human makers, are considering scrapping current entity LeBRON JAMES for new LeBRON JAMES VERSION 2.0.3.

Stephen Timms, the Labour MP who was Financial Secretary to the Treasury until Knifecrime Island disbanded its government last week, had the poor idea of actually meeting with his constituents regularly. You know who his constituents are? They are knives. And the knives want what the knives want, and now he is in the Main Hospital for Having Been Stabbed, which is extremely overburdened, as you can imagine.

Law & Order: Officially canceled. (SVU and the D’Onofrio-gutted CI remain, and the L.A. spinoff of the franchise, groan, debuts this fall.) I’m going to start the “Let’s Blame Jay Leno” backlash right here! Who’s with me?

The reasonable answer, never really revealed but apparent in all the details in this review of former Conde Nast editrix Dominique Browning’s new memoir, appears to be, as always: a cushion of money.

by John Murray

On Monday, just after the conclusion of a wedding ceremony, a group of armed men burst into a Juarez church and ordered everyone down on the floor. Moving quickly, they collected the groom, his brother and their uncle and led them out. When another man tried to intervene, they shot him dead. The three relatives were then thrown into a truck and disappeared. On Wednesday, state police found their bodies in the bed of an abandoned pickup in the eastern sector of the city. They had been tortured for many hours before they were killed. It was a particularly horrifying example of the fact that violence in Juarez can strike anytime, anywhere.

The men turned out to be US citizens from New Mexico. The signs of torture and the fact that they were selectively targeted leads to the conclusion that they were involved in the drug trade, and that this was some kind of settling of scores. But without discounting the motive, the event illustrates just how little regard the perpetrators of this violence have for the citizens of Mexico, despite the odd status of smugglers as cult and folk heroes. An attack on a church, during a wedding, in a fervently Catholic country is a serious event. Whether the symbolism of the violation in this particular case was intentional or not, it transmits a clear message that, for the cartels, nothing in Juarez is sacred.

A lot of the violence in the city has been characterized by this kind of symbolism. Bodies have been dumped on many occasions in lots and playgrounds near schools, with children gathering around the crime scene to watch as police bag and remove the dead. Drug rehab clinics have been the scenes of mass murders. People are shot down in broad daylight during the normal hubub of everyday life, on main streets and in restaurants. Considering this, it’s clear that what’s happening isn’t just a war between rival cartels, but a campaign of terror against the local population. The murdered groom’s father conveyed perfectly the effect of this kind of violence to the El Paso Times: “I’m confused, frustrated and in despair. My wife, she is devastated.” There really aren’t any better emotions you could hope to inspire in a population you’re trying to control.

This trend is best illustrated these days in the Valley of Juarez, the stretch of towns scattered along the Rio Grande southeast of the city for about 50 miles. The valley has long been as important as the city itself for drug traffickers. During the dry season the river drops to barely a trickle and crossing by foot is a breeze. With I-10 running right alongside it through Texas towns like San Elizario, Fabens and Fort Hancock, it’s tactically perfect for smuggling. The towns on the Mexican side, like Guadalupe and Porvenir, are poor agricultural communities that mainly grow cotton. However, they’ve also grown accustomed to smuggling over the years, as the Juarez cartel used the area as a staging point for trafficking operations for decades.

With the voracious Sinaloa cartel now fighting for the territory, the Valley of Juarez has become an arena for a campaign of terror bent on forcing out the locals who have been used to Juarez cartel rule for so many years. Homes have been burned down, a state investigator murdered, and people have been kidnapped and not turned up again with no calls demanding ransom.

A week before Easter, typewritten messages spread around Porvenir that anyone who hadn’t left the area by Easter Sunday would be killed. Citizens packed up and left in droves. While no such large scale attack ever came, the assault on the social climate of the community was enough. Residents were threatened with death on the most holy day of the Catholic calendar. Like this week’s wedding murders, the sanctuary of religion was directly challenged when the main church in town was burned to the ground on Good Friday.

The campaign is working. US authorities have seen a huge jump in the number of asylum requests from citizens of the valley. Porvenir, once home to 3000 residents, has now been reduced to just a few hundred.

A writer at Mexican daily El Diario called the actions of the Sinaloans nothing more than a ‘scorched earth’ policy, and it is an assertion that is hard to argue with. With so many forces fighting for control of Juarez-the cartels, the army and now the Federal Police-the city really doesn’t belong to its citizens anymore. What they once considered home they are now finding out belongs to someone else, expressed quite literally in the fight for the control of “turf.”

In the US we talk a lot about “not letting the terrorists win” by giving in to fear. It’s very hard to look at Juarez, just over the river, and see terror not only succeeding, but ruling. In a city where US business interests play such a prominent role, it’s harder still to talk about defending democracy when the mayor of Juarez, Jose Reyes Ferriz, keeps his family in El Paso due to constant death threats and the country’s prominent political parties can’t find anyone willing to run in July’s mayoral elections except the man who was mayor previous to Reyes Ferriz. It would be tough to find a more fitting example of the fact that the outcome of this war won’t be any step in a new direction for Juarez. It’s a reminder that history seems doomed to repeat itself in this city that has become an allegorical ground zero for the violent, protracted stalemate of Mexico and America’s war on drugs.

Previously: How This War Is Not Like Colombia, Italy and Chicago

John Murray is a lover of obscurity. He lives and writes in Arizona.

How can Taco Bell’s $2 meal deal, in which one can get a burrito or taco plus a soda and a bag of Doritos for the recession-friendly sum of two (or eight, if you have to pay with change) Washingtons, exist? “The 150 million bags of Doritos it expects to sell this year will come from former parent and current supplier PepsiCo. Beverages typically cost chains pennies on the retail dollar.” And then there is the delicate matter of the stuffings that fill said cheapo gorditas and cut-rate tacos, which are low-cost (and low-other things!) enough to keep other items on the menu at sub-dollar price points.