37,000 times in the last hour alone, people have clicked on a link being spread around Twitter. Prefaces to the video include “U MUST WATCH THIS VID!!!” and there is also a lot of “SMMFH”ing going on. This is the URL going around Twitter, and WAIT, WARNING, the URL being passed around there is EXTREMELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. (Because there is a lot of penis in it.) Which also makes me think, if it’s so NSFW, wow, why are so many people blasting thousands of other people with hardcore porn, in the middle of the day, without preamble?

The Internet has changed, right?

The video was described to me before I saw it thusly: “It’s an X-rated sort of amateur thing wherein a female talks to her ‘man’ on a cell phone while performing oral services on another man.” This event is said to have occurred during the just-passed Urban Beach Weekend. That is a very concise description. And it suitably prepared me for what I might view in my home office. (Which is usually pornographic anyway, so, I mean, it’s not like I care.)

But it’s funny that, on the same Internet where people get angry if you talk about the plot of Lost 48 hours after it aired, there’s not the same level of outrage over people unknowingly clicking on something that would surely get them fired.

Of course, nobody’s got a job anymore. And also? That’s really the way the Internet should be. It can never be kid- or job- or reality-show-safe. If you go on the Internet, you deserve what you get. Even if it’s a window full of genitalia. Thanks Al Gore!

“On Saturday, May 29, 2010, Roy Halladay of the Philadelphia Phillies threw the 20th perfect game in Major League Baseball history. Here’s your chance to celebrate this rare achievement by purchasing tickets from the Marlins vs. Phillies game from May 29th. Regular ticket prices apply and this offer is available online only. Don’t miss out on owning a piece of history, and take advantage of this limited time offer today!”
–The Florida Marlins have put the 13,500 unused tickets to Saturday’s game against the Philadelphia Phillies up for sale. This past Saturday’s game. Upper Deck B section tickets are going for $14-$20. The true poseur idiot, of course, will snap up any available “Batter’s Box MVP” seat for $325.

A new study by researchers at University College London has revealed that adolescents have more difficulty with organization and are more prone to distraction than adults because they are stupider than adults, whose brains have had more time to develop. Please try to pretend that you are surprised, it seems like the researchers put a lot of work into this study.

“With the official start of the 2010 Atlantic hurricane season Tuesday, a disaster-prone Haiti is far from ready for what meteorologists predict will be a heightened storm season with at least 15 named storms.” Oh. YA THINK?

Pegs, we have them: “Do people really die of broken hearts? The toll that love and loss can take on the heart is getting more attention following the unexpected death of Hollywood husband Simon Monjack, who was found dead in his bed at age 39 just five months after mourning the loss of his wife, actress Brittany Murphy.”

What’s the least fun thing you can think of? I mean, excepting the obvious, like performing your own root canal without anesthesia or watching your pet die or something. How about going to a Black Eyed Peas concert? How about going to a Black Eyed Peas concert where Tom Cruise comes out on stage in sunglasses and a leather jacket to plug his new movie, to which the Black Eyed Peas contributed a song? And then how about if Will-I-Am tells you that you get to be one of “the first cats” to hear the new song?

And then they cue up the record and everyone just stands around in their clothes while it plays? Could there be anything less fun? I don’t think so. Judging from this video clip, of just such a not-fun event that took place in London this weekend, the audience seems to agree, though some people look like they’re trying to fake it. Like, since they’re supposed to be having fun, they should try hard to look like they are.

But I don’t get it. If even the people at a Black Eyed Peas concert can see, very clearly just how deeply, deeply not fun they are, who is buying all those Black Eyed Peas records?

Sports and Leisure: What co-creator of the ’80s sensation board game “Trivial Pursuit” died yesterday at the age of 59?

Somehow I thought Elisabeth Rosenthal’s perspective on the oil spill in today’s Times Green blog might make me feel better. “It is important to remember that this mammoth polluting event, so extraordinary here, is not so unusual in some parts of the world,” she writes, pointing to the reporting of John Vidal from the oil fields in the Niger Delta in Africa.

“It is impossible to know how much oil is spilled in the Niger delta each year because the companies and the government keep that secret. However, two major independent investigations over the past four years suggest that as much is spilled at sea, in the swamps and on land every year as has been lost in the Gulf of Mexico so far.”

Then I read the whole Vidal piece-which is titled “Nigeria’s agony dwarfs the Gulf oil spill. The US and Europe ignore it”-nd I just feel much, much worse. But, y’know, everyone should probably read it anyway. Sorry.

Photo via Flickr user Sosialistisk Ungdom, used under Creative Commons licensing.

“Each of these six headless doll outfits represents a specific essay. Not all of the essays have accompanying dolls. So what does an essay have to do to garner this mildly batshit doll treatment? I guess it has to melt down easily. Which isn’t to say I wasn’t aiming for some lofty complexity in all of these essays. But their visuals in these six stuck with me in a way I felt would reproduce humorously on a paper doll.”
-How Did You Get This Number, the new book from Awl pal Sloane Crosley, has a bear on the cover. There is even a bear in this video trailer. I’m pretty much legally obligated to link to it. But also I have read the book and very much enjoyed it. I’m obviously biased, but I feel it’s a solid step forward from her previous essay collection; it’s stronger and more in-depth without sacrificing any of the humor that made her debut so enjoyable. Also, her new website has a slideshow of representative chicken dioramas, which, come on, is totally something Tolstoy would have done had the technology been available. The book is out on June 15, but you can find information on how to pre-order it here.

“I honestly think the best thing you can do each and every day to get happy is incrementally work toward creative goals that are heart-burstingly fulfilling. No matter how daunting and unlikely the prospect of success. I mean, I’ve been quasi-skint my whole adult life living in a very expensive city and I’ve launched a TON of things that died or broke and have taken financial risks-but if not now then when? In fact, in the next two years, I’m launching no less than SIX independently published, creator-owned projects with my brother and his fiancée Sonia Oback, who is a super-sick colorist. And those projects will wobble like newborn foal and munch through our savings but, man, it’s so thrilling. I’m not rash and foolhardy enough to buy property or have children, so in the meantime if I can just move forward and leave a trail of creative things that I adored putting together, I think I’ll be happy as much as it’s in my control to be happy. Basically, I think if everyone learned to live like me and followed my teachings they would rule so much harder than if they just went blindly living how they’re inclined to. Oh, and consume other creative’s things. All the time. Gorge. And applaud. And be covetous. And tell them you hate them to their faces.”
-Oh great, now Mary HK Choi is also basically starting a self-help guruship. Okay, fine, we’re in.