“On the record,” “on background” and “off the record”: a handy guide.

by Sean McTiernan

Sometimes videos go viral within the confines of one country and they never reach the wider world. Often, that’s a real shame. Lucky for you, Irishman (meaning born, raised and residing in actual Ireland) Sean McTiernan is here to give you a glimpse into the country’s already storied collection of viral gems. Previously: the majesty of Ham Sandwich and the mystery of Irish rap.

The Gardai are similar to every other police force on earth: sometimes corrupt, but always strangled by bureaucracy, power-crazed and, of course, arresting one of your mates’ brothers who you always assumed would be a serial killer. They are also, however, unarmed. There are no guns. Which is why none of the exciting Irish cop videos online have exciting gunfights.

I see you, laughing your sanctimonious American laugh, with your big cowboy hat, up on your massive horse, your spurs clanking. Well, you’re wrong, in no way does a lack of guns make the Irish police any less valid than yours. Irish people just have more respect for social order and that kind of thing. It’s not like there’s a video of a Garda running in fear from children throwing snow balls.

Ah, that’s awkward. Oh well. That’s not to say Gardai don’t often take control of their surroundings. At music festivals for instance. You’ve got drunken ejits and hippie mothers in dangerously flammable sun dresses. Sometimes, you have to step up and exert supremacy. Supremacy of… the dancefloor?

Once they get into their cars though, it’s like they’re all in the movie Bullit. Irish Gardai are impossibly good at driving. Here’s a video of the cops being drifted hard by a young man in a fast car. Here they employ the noted police tactic of “waiting for the bastards to feck off” to great effect.

Now, there are plenty of horrid videos of Gardai dragging people across snow or attempting to arrest people illegally and sort of…well, giving up. And I could show you them dear reader, but I won’t. No, because videos like that exist with every police force in the world-well, not the ones allegedly of them getting shoved into a river-and they’re really really depressing. What I will show you though, is how good-natured two rural Gardai were about being subjected to a pretty ingenious prank.

That’s pretty great right? No one got shot or hit there. Great stuff. And finally, I wouldn’t be a disgrace to my race and a stereotype re-enforcing traitor if I didn’t include a video of a heavily intoxicated man as the big finish. This video also supplies an excellent primer on the sort of logically flexible grasp of the rules most Irish people, police and citizens, tend to possess. Not only is the man advised to remain in the shopping cart, his compatriots are sincerely advised to return it once he is home safely. Touching.

Sean McTiernan is 21, his favorite rapper is E40 and he only smokes when he’s drinking. He has a blog and a Twitter. So does everyone though. He also has a podcast on which he has a nervous breakdown once an episode, minimum. In other words: it’s great for the gym.

Chicago mayor Richard M. Daley announced today that he was giving everyone at the White House a way to save face during Rahm Emanuel’s forthcoming departure from the Chief of Staff position.

And here we go… Ladies and gentlemen, Splitsider is live. Adam Frucci’s new site-the first addition to what Publisher David Cho refers to as “The Awl Network”-is about comedy, comedians and all things funny in the age of the Internet, and it will appeal to anyone who has ever laughed at anything ever. It’s a fine product and we’d be most pleased if you made a few visits, added it to your RSS, told your friends… you know, the whole bit. Thanks! See you there!

by Andrew Piccone

Tell me about your job.

I’m a writer. I write a dating column for the Examiner.com. I also write poetry and I’m trying to get into lyrics and songwriting. I moved here from Texas because there was more going on here. I share dating advice, targeting women, but I’ve heard from the occasional man who reads too. I’ve found that most men today are clueless.

How did you get the job?

I heard about it from a friend who saw the job and knew I had been trying to get my writing noticed. I’ve been doing it for about a year. I’ve since been crowned the Dating Examiner.

But you’ve got another career in mind?

I’m starting to figure out how to become a matchmaker. I’ve always been great at setting up my friends, I worked for a dating agency in Texas, it was a lot of fun. Matchmaking services can be expensive, but it’s for a reason-dating sites like Match.com are too impersonal, you don’t know who you’re really talking to or meeting. A matchmaking service does all the work for you: screening, testing compatibility, the whole thing.

Have you dealt with New York’s bedbug epidemic firsthand?

Thankfully I’ve never dealt with bedbugs-thank God.

What’s your opinion on Park51, the proposed community center/”mosque” in Lower Manhattan?

I think everyone has a right to their religion, it’s hard to draw the line as to what’s tasteful though. The American thing to do is to allow worship there, but not to give them any special treatment.

What’s your favorite thing/place/neighborhood/hotspot in New York?

I love the culture-people from all over the world who are very clearly at home. There is no place like this in America. Also being liberated from cars is great. I really love Madiba in Fort Greene, It was the first South African restaurant in the United States.

Any closing words on New York?

Having been to every borough, I can honestly say that I’ve been inspired by so much here. New York is a place where the unexpected can happen. You never know who you’re going to meet, what you’re going to see and what opportunities will present themselves.

Previously: Random New Yorker: Matthew Michael Cooper

Andrew Piccone is a photographer in New York City.

Here ya go, America, “Sister Wives”! This is still less creepy than any reality show set in New Jersey. [Via]

We are a resourceful bunch here in town: “In fact, according to statistics from from city health officials and the federal Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, more than one out of seven jumper suicides nationally between 1999 and 2007 (the most distant and recent years that national data is available) happened in New York City…. Since New York has less handguns and rifles per capita than other parts of the country, [Ann Haas, the director of suicide-prevention projects for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention] said, people bent on suicide in the city find other means, often jumping.”

Photo by oscartellyman, from Flickr.

We are all so worn out and beat down by the videos that tease us about upcoming websites. (No?) Given that, it’s time someone reinvented the website trailer. (Yes?) In any event: presenting… CHOKEVILLE. (A Josh Allen Production)

There are a few new Belle and Sebastian songs about, in anticipation of their new album, out in a month. They’re growing increasingly mod! Perhaps they have a time machine, or they got stuck in a theater playing Benjamin Button, because it’s like they formed in 1996, and now, 14 years later, it’s 1982. I’m pretty sure I’m down with that.

Old Jews Telling Jokes On Paper

Awl pal Eric Spiegelman’s Old Jews Telling Jokes book is on sale today! You can hear an interview with Eric and co-author Sam Hoffman here.