So all the apps that take and upload and store your address books (which is a lot of them!) are making changes to their apps! By… sort of vaguely notifying you that they are doing so. So… not by not doing that. For instance, Twitter: “In place of ‘Scan your contacts,’ we will use ‘Upload your contacts’ and ‘Import your contacts.’” Ha! Good one. Because “upload” really means “we’re going to store every phone number and address and name of everyone in your phone for 18 months.” WELL? Once people started digitally “signing” that endless user agreement in iTunes without clicking through all 36 or 42 pages or whatever, it was all over anyway.

“But even that process takes a back seat to the Smoker’s Delight, served at Todd Thrasher’s bar PX in Alexandria, Va. Mr. Thrasher takes three or four different kinds of tobacco, steeps them in hot water for five minutes, strains it, adds sugar and reduces the mixture. He mixes a few drops of this with bourbon, honey syrup and lemon juice.”
 — I do something very similar to this, except I have a bourbon and smoke a cigarette. But, you know, either way.

Part of me wishes that Jack White had stopped in the middle of his new single and broken into Eddie Van Halen’s “Eruption,” but this mellower, Dylan-and-Emmylou thing is working pretty good for him, too.

“We all recognize that overeating can cause weight gain, but now new research suggests excessive calorie consumption can double the risk of memory loss in older adults.”

Asian Night In Toronto Has Asian Player. See also: “As with any Asian person in popular culture, people’s first resort is a torrent of pan-Asian racist gibberish: If it has anything to do with any country, food, product, concept, or stereotype involving Asia, the rule is basically, ‘Make any association or equivalence you want, whatever.’”

How To Write A Love Letter

by Carey Wallace

A love letter can stir more emotion than any other literature the human race has produced. But take one out of a lover’s hands and most of them become embarrassing, boring and absurd. They’re full of minor events reported as if they’re the opening skirmishes of a great war and small favors received with the thanks due a profound sacrifice. They’re riddled with inside jokes and lousy with clichés.

Love letters tend to fail as literature because love’s hallmarks are also the hallmarks of bad literature: lack of perspective, repetition, superlatives. But strangely, these flaws are part of how we measure a love letter’s sincerity. If we remove them, we remove the evidence of love itself.

In fact, some of the most profound failures among love letters are actually the products of great writers. And before we look at a love letter that works, it’s instructive to take a look at one that doesn’t, despite all its author’s talent: Robert Browning’s first letter to Elizabeth Barrett.
Browning was 33 in 1845, when he wrote the letter; Barrett, 39. The two of them had never met, although they had mutual friends. Browning wrote after reading Barrett’s first book of poems, which had catapulted her to fame. A year later, the two of them would marry, against the wishes of her family, who suspected Browning of being a social-climbing gold digger.

In the letter, Browning’s writing is undeniably gorgeous. He pays Barrett several ornate compliments. He deftly narrates two scenes: the effect of her poems on him and a moment, years before, when they almost met but didn’t. The scenes are vivid; the language is flawless. But the overall effect is of a man in the grasp of inspiration, not love.

“This is no off-hand complimentary letter that I shall write,” he declares in the first line. As the letter unfolds, his verbal pyrotechnics prove that thoroughly. But his self-consciousness also undercuts his claims as a lover. It’s not his facility with language that betrays him. Not everyone is struck dumb by love, and a master artist might be expected to produce great work in the thrall of it. But Browning’s best language isn’t spent embellishing the theme of his love. It’s spent embellishing his own observations: a lyrical departure on the difference between dried flowers and fresh, a long description after their failed meeting of his own regret, a catalogue of the ways he considered responding to her book:

Since the day last week when I first read your poems, I quite laugh to remember how I have been turning and turning again in my mind what I should be able to tell you of their effect upon me, for in the first flush of delight I thought I would this once get out of my habit of purely passive enjoyment, when I do really enjoy, and thoroughly justify my admiration — perhaps even, as a loyal fellow-craftsman should, try and find fault and do you some little good to be proud of hereafter! — but nothing comes of it all…

Ironically, the strength of his response to Barrett almost totally effaces Barrett herself. What’s important to Browning is that he loves her, that his “feeling rises.” He records his own responses with precision and intelligence, but he never applies that same imagination to Barrett. Years ago, they were unable to meet because Barrett was sick. But Browning’s account expresses no concern over her illness, no curiosity over what that time was like for her, and no curiosity about her current state. Barrett remains a shadow, offstage, while Browning lovingly details not her, but the emotion she provokes in him. Browning’s letter is not about Barrett. It’s about Browning. As a literary project, it’s a masterwork. As a love letter, it’s not only hollow, but grating.

In the grand scheme of things, this may seem like a small failure. Against war and disaster, how can it matter how any one lover addresses any other?

Love is one of the great engines of the world. The lack or desire for it drives us to greed and violence: war and disaster. In fact, our ability or inability to speak about love in these secret moments can have profound repercussions in our lives, and lasting echoes in the lives of others.
But if Robert Browning fails here, in the earliest stage of his great romance, is there hope for any of us? Has anyone written a love letter, and done it well?

One obvious contender is the author of Song of Songs, the great Hebrew love poem, some of the oldest and most widely read language on love in the world. In fact, it’s the limits of love letters that makes the longevity of Songs of Songs so interesting.

Love letters don’t give the illusion of eternity that some other literature cultivates. A love letter can seem tawdry and dated even to the author as soon as an affair ends. But Song of Songs has survived for thousands of years, which suggests that it contains language about love that has resonated through all that time.

How is it different from other love letters?

First, the lovers in Song of Songs talk about each other, not themselves. Romantic love, as we see in Browning, is often little more than a potent blend of imagination and selfishness. We compliment the other person by telling them how they make us feel, rather than praising who they actually are — often because we haven’t really bothered to learn who they are: we’ve been too busy enjoying how what we’ve projected on them makes us feel. Like Browning, we engage in the deeply satisfying project of self-revelation, and in return we tolerate our lover’s revelations — as long as they fit reasonably well into the fantasy we’re constructing. We make dramatic romantic gestures that have much less to do with what the other person might want than with our own cleverness and taste for drama.

But you don’t see any of this in Song of Songs. Instead of talking about themselves or their own feelings, the lovers talk almost exclusively about each another. The catalogues they make of each other’s bodies are vivid and carnal: “Your breasts are like twin fawns that browse among the lilies.. His body is like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli.”

They’re also, in contrast to Browning’s glancing references to Barrett, incredibly lengthy: at one point the bride begins a litany that begins at her lover’s hair and works its way through compliments to his eyes, cheeks, lips, arms, body, and legs, before returning again to his mouth. These lovers don’t delight in their own responses, but in the qualities of their lover, which they know in intimate detail. But the lovers in Song of Songs also know each other’s histories, praise each other’s accomplishments, call each other friends: after the long list of physical attributes, the bride concludes her praise with the line “This is my beloved, this is my friend.” Where Browning spends his language on himself, the lovers in Song of Songs spend their words on each other.

Second, the language in Song of Songs rings true. Almost the entire popular vocabulary of love is composed of promises so overblown that, viewed with any soberness, they’re actually lies, like Browning’s assertion that he loves Barrett’s verses “with all my heart.” This kind of hyperbole hasn’t disappeared since 1845. It’s still alive and well in popular songs: “I could never live without your love.” “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.” But most of us learn through hard experience that lovers don’t really die when an affair ends, and that it doesn’t take wild horses to break up a relationship: the cracks and fissures in our own hearts are more than enough. And those popular falsehoods about love, repeated and disproven again and again, actually lead to a deep cynicism about the truth of love itself.

The lovers in Song of Songs never fall into this trap. Their language conveys great emotion with great vividness. It’s highly charged, and highly figurative. But instead of inflated speech, the writer captures his feeling in images that are commonplace and concrete:

Place me like a seal over your heart; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned… See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come.

The writer of Song of Songs chooses ordinary things to name love: water, flame, song. This roots love solidly among ordinary things. But it also elevates ordinary things to the status of love. And because these ordinary things fill the world, when the writer of Song of Songs links them with love, he calls attention to the fact that the whole world is infected with everyday miracles, like flowers breaking out of the ground, that otherwise go ignored.

Song of Songs is also unsentimental. Popular language about love doesn’t just inflate love’s importance. It ignores love’s seasons. Love in a pop song solves all problems, cures all ills, rights all wrongs — but isn’t strong enough to withstand any whisper of imperfection. Song of Songs, in stark contrast, takes the vagaries of love head on. One lover is too tired to answer the other’s knock. The other abandons his lover to roam the city without saying where he’s gone. But these flaws don’t foreshadow the end of love. They’re just a handful of scenes from a love that is strong enough to admit the reality of trouble amidst a larger celebration.

In the end, both Browning’s letter and Song of Songs share one crucial characteristic: the fact that they were written at all. Too often we’re too busy, too embarrassed, too aware of our own limits to put our love into words. And it’s even more rare for us to commit those words to paper. But our hearts are both fragile and volatile, and life is hard. Lovers need words to cling to in the press and doubt of each day. The spoken word can help us in a moment, but the written word stays with us through a lifetime. Written down, an expression becomes both a record and a promise. And like the writer of Song of Songs, when we write a love letter, we don’t just record a season of our love. We make something that will help our love survive all seasons.

The good news, for all of us who are clumsy, or stupid, or even speechless in the grip of love: great love letters aren’t based on our cleverness or force of expression.

The best ones don’t depend on the quality of our language.

They depend on the quality of our love.

Related: How To Write A Love Poem

Carey Wallace is the author of The Blind Contessa’s New Machine (Penguin 2010). She lives and works in Brooklyn. You can find her blog here. Top image from Bright Star, via; Thomas B. Read’s portraits of Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning courtesy of Wikipedia; image of Song of Songs illuminated manuscript by artist Josh Baum via.

I know some people who find Los Campesinos! to be kind of annoying, and while I respect their opinions I also don’t really care, because they’re idiots. This is just good music. Enjoy it. [Via]

by Logan Sachon

This post is sponsored by eHarmony. Date smarter. Start now, free!

Alright! 2,208 people actually completed our survey last week about online dating. So, for starters this week, we’re looking at responses about online dating by people who date men. It’s a combination of helpful tips, deep experiences and some frank examples of what dudes might think about not doing. We want to help you, guys — but you have to allow us. So open your minds, and your heart will follow. Or something like that. Let us take you through it all, from profile picture, to email exchanges, to meeting and greeting. Take our hand, we’ll get there together! So here’s what our respondents had to say about dating men.

You too can avoid amateur profile mistakes like a professional.

• “Don’t use ‘lol,’ ever.”

• “I have always had a problem with emoticons. It’s a huge turn off.”

• “Write in complete sentences/fully spelled out words maybe? My standards are low.”

• “Find more interesting descriptors than ‘laid back.’”

• “Don’t use the word ‘passionate.’”

• “Don’t list only physical attributes in ‘what I’m looking for.’”

• “Don’t say, ‘I am looking for a woman who…’ This isn’t a cattle auction, folks.”

• “Don’t tell me that you like Thai food and expect me to think you are fascinating. Every person on the planet likes Thai food.”

Give good profile and better email.

• “E-mail etiquette is important…. Don’t write a five page rant about The Mountain Goats. Keep it to a few breezy paragraphs. Close with a casual question that invites a response.”

• “Do not bother sending me a message that just says, “pretty.” I will not answer you.”

• “Just because asking out women is more accessible online, doesn’t mean you should treat it as if you’re unemployed and dropping off a form application at every McDonald’s and Starbucks you come across.”

Don’t present with a list of demands

• “Try to not lead with a list of what you don’t like/hate/can’t stand. Also, ugh the whole line about a girl who wears nerdy glasses but also looks great in heels/knows how to be comfy but dresses killer/read the Times in bed on Sunday morning. Ughhhhhhh where is the master profile you are all drawing these from??”

• “Whenever a guy lists a bunch of traits he wants, I assume that it’s completely worthless to reply, even if it seems like our personalities would mesh really well, because he’s close-minded to the dating experience.”

• “Don’t diss other women in your profile. It’s not attractive.”

• “If you say ‘No drama! lolz!’ in your profile, I assume you are a guy who thrives on drama.”

89.7% of respondents agree: Three emails tops, then meet. Three and meet. (We made that figure up, but it’s pretty close.)

• “The whole point of online dating is to set up IRL dates. Not to carry on long epistolary romances that inevitably end badly when you really get to know the person in the flesh.”

• “I think the most important thing to remember when online dating is that the service only facilitates a meeting — everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, must be taken from there by you and the other person. It must GROW from there. Your online dating profile cannot be the ‘foundation’ of your relationship.”

Hey! Don’t be scared! It’s not that bad out there!

• “I don’t have an online dating horror story. I actually met four nice men and fell in love with one.”

There is a consensus that good hygiene is important.

82,049 respondents would like to remind you to brush your teeth.

Also:

• “Shower.”

• “Smell good.”

• “Wear pants. Like, real people pants. No sweats.”

• “Shower and don’t dress like an idiot.”

Choosing the right picture of yourself might not mean what you think it means

• “Do use pictures of yourself shamelessly holding pets or babies or reading books. There are whole Tumblrs devoted to this.”

• “Don’t put a picture of you embracing another woman.”

• “If your photo is just a bare torso, I am not going to respond to your message. I am not looking to date a headless juicebox.”

• “Bait and switch is a terrible technique.”

• “DON’T LIE ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT. WE WILL KNOW THE TRUTH WHEN WE MEET YOU. GEEZ.”

Repeat that to yourself, a lot. Apparently, according to the vehemence and frequency of responses, a lot of guys are misguided about their height. Maybe measure how tall you are?

• “Everyone should be more open about what they want and who they are.”

Every single respondent agrees with this, which is well-put:

• “If there’s something that you consider off-putting about yourself, no need to harp on it. Post recent, clear photos. No need to address it in length on your profile (or even at all); it comes off as bitter and insecure…. Plenty of imperfect-looking people are in happy relationships, don’t think that you can’t/won’t be. We’re always too hard on ourselves.”

Secrecy leads to surprises, and most surprises aren’t fun.

• “Don’t you realize that when I meet you, I will see you and therefore know what you actually look like?”

• “If you have a religion and it’s really an important part of your life, let that be know before going on a date with someone who leaves religion out of their profile.”

• “I showed up to find that the guy I was meeting had a cleft palate, something which I was completely unprepared for.”

• “He had chemical burns all over his face.”

• “Braces …”

• “He had baby teeth (teeth the size of a baby).”

• “He had horribly bloodied eyeballs from having Lasik two days earlier. I could. not. look. at his face.”

Some surprises you’re not, perhaps, capable of preventing.

• “If you are in a relationship already, then yes, that is something that you should tell the person you’re meeting over the course of the first date.”

• “He didn’t tell me he had extreme Asperger’s syndrome. He walked me home, and on the way he peed in the bushes 7 times. I had to have my roommate physically escort him from my house because he followed me in and wouldn’t leave.”

“Don’t make a big deal out of paying (or not paying).

• Give or take, 70% of respondents would like a dude to offer to pay on a date.

• Give or take, 70% of respondents would like to always split the check 50/50.

• So…. do what feels right. Follow your heart. Maybe even ask your date!

• But: bring your wallet.

• “If I offer to pay and you act like that’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard of because for some reason your y chromosome means you must pay or you will dishonor your family name, it makes me want to stab you with a fork.”

• “It’s fine if you want to offer to pay, but don’t be super aggressive about it when I say no. Guess what, we’re splitting it! Fighting me or playing keep away with the bill or pretending like you don’t hear me makes you look…” real bad. 😉

• “You paying for a date=you paying for a date. I will happily pay my own way. If you insist on paying for me, you are not purchasing any rights.”

Here are some tips for activities and making conversation.

• “Ask your date about question about her life, thoughts, career, interests. Then, listen to the answer. If that is too hard for you, perhaps you should not be dating a human.”

Do you.

• “I went out with a guy who (I only noticed this on the second date, it was dark in that restaurant!) had ridiculous nose hair. He also took me to a vegan restaurant on Valentine’s day for our second date, after we had an extensive conversation about how much we liked hamburgers (with beef, duh).”

But not too much you.

• “I know it’s tempting to be ‘completely honest’ about who you are but save some fun facts about you for later dates. First, second, third dates when you barely know someone are for dipping your feet into the pool. It’s great that you are comfortable with yourself or where you are in life, etc, etc, but keep the conversation light at first!”

7 respondents would like you to have conversations topics at the ready that do not include “The Wire.”

• “Girls are really, really, really sick of wasting first dates talking about The Wire and Game of Thrones.”

• “I mean really — if you like hiking, say you like hiking. If you think watching movies all Sunday afternoon is perfect, then say that. We will choose accordingly. Otherwise, the disconnect is bound to be noticed eventually.”

• “Read a really interesting article online, National Geographic or the NASA website, anything! so that you can perhaps seem more interesting than you actually are.”

• “Try turning even the most boring date into an opportunity to at least hone the craft of talking to someone you don’t like or making pleasant conversation.”

• “Also, you don’t have to have a killer job, but doesn’t hurt to have some fun hobbies (indoors and out — for example, mine are swing dancing and rock climbing) that inspire passion in you, because seeing someone glow from excitement about something that makes them tick ultimately captures my interest.”

• Ayn Rand is also off limits, according to five people.

• At least four respondents agreed: don’t bring up any stories about having… paid for relations with other human beings.

And don’t do this:

• “He was presumptuous and tried to tell me which classes were required for my major even though he isn’t in it (and, he was wrong)”

Hold your head up high, sir. Dignity!

• “Don’t apologize for being on an online dating site. This is the 21st century; people meet online, it doesn’t mean we’ve somehow failed at life. But thanks for trying to make me feel bad about myself.”

• “People who date online are not freaks. Listen, online daters come from the same population that you deal with in the flesh. It’s going to be the same quality. There will be people who are wonderful, intelligent, good-looking, and/or caring. There will also be online daters who are lousy, dumb as a rock, not so attractive, and/or mean. Don’t go in with the negative attitude of online daters are oddballs and I will never meet anyone who isn’t a weirdo. That is a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

• “Compliment a woman when you meet her. Once or twice is enough. I’ve been on dates where the guy won’t stop saying ‘wow, you’re so pretty.’ After a while it becomes rather creepy.”

• “Tip your waitress.”

• “Don’t be mean to waiters, it’s super scary! Man, this happened a few times. I feel like it’s such a basic thing! Like, even if you are a sociopath, just keep it under control in front of the waiter. Even Patrick Bateman knows not to berate a waiter.”

This is a classic, do we still have to mention it? Yes. Avoid talking about your ex.

• “…he spent the entire night railing about his ex-wife and how she was out to get him in the custody-of-the- child department, and that she coached the kid into falsely claiming sexual abuse.”

• “He talked about his (recently) ex-wife the whole time.”

• “He wouldn’t stop talking about his ex-partner, who had died.”

We know it’s hard being judged, but we’re all doing it.

• “I don’t care what car you drive or where you got your jacket or how you pulled some strings with a ‘buddy down at the City Health Department’ to get us this reservation. However, I will judge you based on your apartment’s location.”

A corollary….

• “Just because we are independent women, doesn’t mean we’re making all the decisions, we’re equals. Take charge once in a while.”

Some wise words on drinking.

• “If you limit your drinking, I’ll limit mine. If you don’t limit your drinking, I still will, but I will think you’re a drunk.”

• “It is true that alcohol makes everything easier, it is also true that too much alcohol makes everything worse.”

Really? Yes. Avoid phone-use during dates

• “I went a guy’s place that I’d been talking to for a few weeks, our first physical encounter to play video games and drink…. Halfway through our evening he gets a phone call, a few minutes in he tells me it’s long distance and do I mind if its a few minutes longer? I say sure, and go back to Mario Kart. TWENTY MINUTES LATER he’s still on the phone. I try to get his attention that this is insane, but he doesn’t budge. So I tell him I’m tired and going home, he walks me to the door, PHONE ON HIS EAR and says, ‘bye.’”

• “He answered five phone calls…”

• “We’d just sat down and he began showing pictures of his dogs on his phone. Puppy, puppy, puppy…” annnnnd then a picture that was definitely not of a puppy.

Read social cues, and accept rejection with grace.

• “He sang songs on my answering machine, either telling me how he deserved another chance….”

• “If you invite me upstairs for coffee, I’m allowed to actually request coffee.”

• “…he asked me to explain in detail why I didn’t want to go out with him again.”

• “When I ended the date after a couple of hours including dinner and the worst spoken word show I’ve ever been to, he frowned and pouted like I’d just denied him dessert.”

• “You don’t have to be in love with me after the first date, and actually I’d prefer if you weren’t.”

• “So, we go out again, we’re sitting at a bar, and about 10 minutes into the conversation, he leans in to ask earnestly ‘Where is this relationship headed?’”

• “Talking and acting as if we’re already ‘an item’ on the first date, before we really have much context for one another, is awkward.”

• “He wouldn’t stop talking about kids and then said ‘wow, it’s the first date and I can’t believe we’re already talking about kids.’”

• “After two dates, he was saying things like, ‘When you meet my mom …’”

• “He proceeded to send me a ton of texts, call at least five times, and then message me repeatedly on the Internet platform on which we met about our ‘magical connection.’”

• “After saying goodnight with a slightly awkward hug, he texted me 10 minutes later and demanded that I tell him whether or not I was actually attracted to him.”

• “I want the clueless ones to keep being clueless; it’s easier to weed them out that way.”

If this is you, keep doing what you’re doing….

• “Well, there was the guy that claimed that the Holocaust was a conspiracy.”

• “This guy who kicked me out of his house for saying Jim Morrison was cheesy.”

• “I got walked out on on a date that seemed like it was going fairly well because I said I didn’t like french fries.”

• “He said he’d had a spiritual awakening over the summer.”

The people you are on dates with know about The Game. The jig is up.

• “Quit negging. Everybody knows what pickup artists do. We are all on the Internet. There are no secrets. If you insult me, I won’t date you out of curiosity, I’ll block your disrespectful self. I’m talking about you, guy who implied that if I am a lady academic, I must be an emotionally-stunted girl-woman who desperately needs your training in the ways of modern relationships.”

• “He just kept insulting me to my face: about my job, about my politics, pretty much my whole lifestyle. “

• “He followed me out of the bar and yelled insults at me until I got into a cab to go home.”

• “Once, as a guy and I went to clink our first drink together he offered up, ‘Well, here’s to you being a dork.”

Don’t steal?

• “After he stayed over, I noticed cash missing from my wallet.”

• “A dude played guitar at me, then borrowed a book and never called or returned it.”

• “He took my ‘Mad Men’ Season 1 DVDs and never returned them.”

• “I didn’t know that there were book-stealing con artists!”

You might have noticed at some point in your travels throughout the world that women often aren’t comfortable with really inappropriate joking around, particularly when it’s not joking, also, because, who can tell, we’ve only just met?

• “Humor is wonderful, but it can also go wrong very quickly. Don’t put much effort into trying to come across as funny even if you are a great comedian. Humor is so subjective because it all depends on the other person’s mood, personality, cultural stuff, whatever.”

• “Maybe a first date (or ever, but especially a first date) is not a good time for a sorta borderline racist/sexist/homophobic joke, so if it seems like you should not say it, keep it to yourself.”

• “Yes, strange females you meet on the internet can be scary, too, but we’re risking more by meeting a strange male. Make sure to be respectful of any safety requests. So, dudes, don’t offer to pick a lady up for the first date or suggest a camping/hiking trip.”

• “He yelled at me, poked me in the chest, and then tried to kiss me in the street.”

• “DON’T KISS-AMBUSH!!! Really, don’t.”

• “A man told me that at least if I ever go missing, people will look for me because I’m white.”

• “This guy offered to make me dinner, so I went over with a bottle of wine. After dinner he went all “put the lotion on the skin” on me, and was like “will you rub this body cream all over yourself for me?”

• “The date ended when he asked if I bruised easily.”

Just don’t be rude.

• “Let’s put it this way, when he said he didn’t have many friends, I was not surprised. When we got up to leave, he said, ‘I like short, dark women. They remind me of my mother. You’re a short dark woman…’ Then he looked me up and down and said, ‘But I didn’t realize just how short you are.’”

Be enthusiastic about your pets, but not too enthusiastic maybe?

• “When the conversation turned to ‘future plans’ the guy could not tell me much beyond how many dogs he wanted to own at some future time. He wanted to own thirty dogs. He had their names and breeds picked out already. At the time he owned no dogs at all.”

• “He was a Crazy Cat Man and had an online photo album of 200+ pictures of cats from around the world (album title: ‘World of Cats’)”

• “He talked about his cats a LOT. I have a cat, I love cats, I love my cat, but this guy was SUPER INVOLVED in his cats.”

Final thoughts?

• Deliver. “Last fall I think four out of four dates mentioned ‘wanting to go upstate to see the foliage’ but nobody actually wanted to take the adventure. I’m sick of giving boys credit for their great ideas for things to do, take a girl on an adventure already!”

• Prepare but Don’t Worry. “I’ve been out with lots of guys, and there’s hardly a recurring explanation for why it doesn’t work out. More often than not, there’s just no chemistry. (On one of the best unsuccessful dates I’ve been on, we got three rounds of beer, had a nice conversation, split the tab, and wished each other well. I think we both thought the other was a very nice person, but there wasn’t any attraction.)”

• “Don’t give up! I’ve met some amazing people on the internet. In fact, some of the best people I’ve ever met ever. And I’ve also met some seriously lame people on the not-internet.”

Later: we’re going to get to what men think goes wrong. And then: story-time. Funny, tragic story-time.

Sponsored posts are purely editorial content that we are pleased to have presented by a participating sponsor; advertisers do not produce the content.

Photo by Ed Yourdon.

“We all know that a broken heart hurts — from the stabbing shock of being dumped on Valentine’s Day to the deep grief following the loss of a loved one. But, there is increasing evidence that shows some people may actually die from heart failure in the wake of extremely emotional events.”

Where is the best dosa in New York? Awl pal Amrit Singh has made Dosa Hunt, a short film about the quest to discover an answer to that question, which features an all-star cast of local musicians. Says Amrit, “The full film will premiere this spring in NYC. I hope to have dosa at the first screening, which should give everyone plenty of time to refine their palates/learn what dosa even is.” Here’s a start.