“teen-camper-wakes-up-to-crunching-noise-and-discovers-his-head-is-inside-bears-mouth” is a great URL
A nineteen-year camp counselor woke up this weekend with his head inside of a bear’s mouth, and no that is NOT a euphemism for a hangover; it was a Seventh-day Adventist summer camp, where the kids go canoeing and ziplining “all in a safe, Christ-centered atmosphere.”
Dylan (he was only identified by his first name) described waking up to a crunching noise (presumably teeth against skull) and being pulled out from his sleeping bag and then dragged about ten feet by the back of his neck. Then the bear just left him and walked away! Dylan’s secret? He respects the animals.
It doesn’t sound like the bear wanted to eat him really, because if it wanted to it could have. Maybe the bear sensed Dylan’s respect, and respected him back. Maybe the bear was sleepwalking, and thought it was saving a teen from a fire. Maybe the bear was lonely and wanted a plaything. Sounds like a classic case of bear ennui, also known as the founding principle of The Awl. Awl co-founder Alex Balk had this to say:
balk [12:00 PM]
oh my god those scars are gonna get that kid so laid