Stupid Question About Stupid Moon

Seriously, fuck the moon.

Photo: Eierschneider

Something something let’s pretend the moon isn’t terrible:

Why are people so afraid of the moon? Why will we declare it to be the seat of madness and witchcraft, or an alien world swarming with Nazis, or eventually resolve to nuke the thing? It might help to look at the first lie about the moon — Aristotle’s, in which the great philosopher declared it to be a perfectly smooth sphere, despite the fact that it’s quite plainly not. A lie this big usually means that there’s something being repressed. Aristotle loved unities and self-identities; he wanted to live in a rational, mathematical, and immutable universe; he wanted to believe that beyond the mess and contingency of human existence there was a perfect heavenly order to which we could aspire. The only problem is the moon. Other celestial bodies appear as perfect points of light, but the moon is clearly just an absurd ball of rock, as weary and beleaguered and broken as we are, carrying with it the scars of four billion years of astronomical senselessness. Hovering in the sky, it’s proof that we don’t really matter. The secret war against the moon is a war against imperfection, contagion, and disease; it’s the war against a universe that refuses to care about your ideas, and refuses to be understood.

Interesting theory! Or maybe we hate the moon BECAUSE IT SUCKS SO BAD. Because it’s A USELESS PIECE OF SPACE JUNK. Because it’s THE UNEMPTIED GARBAGE OF THE SKY. That is considerably more likely than whatever is being suggested here. Read this and make up your own mind, but don’t be fooled: The moon wastes even the emptiness of space it sits its own stupid ass in.

The Patriarchy Hates the Moon

They should have tried to nuke it. It SUCKS.