Watch What Happens Live

Since we’re all sheep, here’s what we’ll be consuming next.

My initial reaction on seeing this assessment from Times technology columnist/Twitter performance artist Farhad Manjoo is, “No, no it’s NOT going to be a thing. I am NOT going to need an Apple Watch. No one is going to need an Apple Watch. Only self-important schmucks with more money than sense and the disgusting desire to show everyone how busy/wealthy/tech-savvy they are will need an Apple Watch and even they will eventually come to realize just how victimized we all are by this horrible compulsion to make ourselves available to colleagues, clients and data collectors at every hour of the day, at which point they will seriously reconsider just how many expensive pieces of (occasionally exploding) technology they want to carry on their persons (or sleep with under their pillows) at all points of their lives. Fuck you, Farhad Manjoo: By passing on this propaganda you are only acting as a servant to the powers that want us to feel as if we are falling behind if we don’t buy into this system of constant connection as both necessity and form of empowerment.”

“Ugly as fuck and fully unnecessary for my existence? Sure, I’ll buy one!”

Then I made a quick list in my head of the things I have thus far ignored as a consumer in the belief that they were sure to be short-lived fads of which even the trend-suckingest of trend-suckers would soon tire and discard. Among them: Facebook, smartphones, Instagram, Snapchat, podcasts and emoji. So you know what? We probably all will need an Apple Watch in two years. I mean, not me, I’ll stay pure. But I guess you guys might want to clear some space on your wrists for 2018. Sorry for saying fuck you, Farhad Manjoo.