The Olympics of National Mottoes

Because every nation had to pick some words, and some are better than others

Best adaptation of the French revolution’s “three virtues” formula

Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité” is the gold standard of national mottoes
Bronze: Madagascar, “Fitiavana, Tanindrazana, Fandrosoana (Love, Ancestral-land, progress)”
Silver: Gambia, “Progress, Peace, Prosperity”
Gold: 🏆Djibouti, “Unité, Égalité, Paix (Unity, Equality, Peace)”

Djibouti: the Thomas Piketty of African nations

Most egregious appropriation the French “three virtues” formula

Because imitation is the sincerest form of propaganda
Bronze: Kosovo, Nderi, Detyra, Atdheu (Honour, Duty, Homeland)”
Silver: Côte d’Ivoire, “Union, Discipline, Travail (Unity, Discipline, Labor)”
🏆United Arab Emirates, “Allah, al-Waṭan, al-Ra’īs (God, Nation, President)”

Bow down to the U.A.E.

Most seemingly benign invocation of the Almighty

For the least-pushy appeals to the opiate of the masses
Monaco, “Deo juvante (With God’s help)”
Silver: Samoa, “Fa’avae i le Atua Samoa (God be the Foundation of Samoa)”
Gold: 🏆Tonga, Ko e ʻOtua mo Tonga ko hoku tofiʻa (God and Tonga are my Inheritance)

Pacific islands aren’t religious, they’re “spiritual”

Most unabashedly non-sequitur

“Wait, huh?”
Turks and Caicos Islands, Beautiful By Nature, Clean By Choice”
Isle of Man, Quocunque Ieceris Stabit (Whithersoever you throw it, it will stand)”
🏆Canary Islands, “Oceano (Ocean)”

“Oceano” indeed, Canary Islands.

Most palatable call for national loyalty

When constantly asserting national obedience, do so eloquently
Bronze: Seychelles, “Finis coronat opus (The end crowns the work)”
Silver: Netherlands, “Je maintiendrai; Ik zal handhaven (I will maintain)”
Gold: 🏆Kenya, “Harambee (All pull together)”

Kenya’s “magically untranslatable” call to patriotism is irresistible.

Realest reality check on first-world privilege

A reminder that in parts of the world, liberty and equality are nice to haves
Bronze: Guinea-Bissau, “Unidade, Luta, Progresso (Unity, Struggle, Progress)”
Silver: Lesotho, “Khotso, Pula, Nala (Peace, rain, prosperity)”
Gold: 🏆Botswana, “Pula (Rain)”

Somebody get Botswana some water.

Most badass motto from a not-complete-dick of a country

Because bark is cute when you have literally zero bite
Bronze: Scotland (unofficial),Nemo Me Impune Lacessit (No-one Provokes Me with Impunity)”
Gibraltar, “Nulli Expugnabilis Hosti (Conquered by No Enemy)”
Gold: 🏆Swaziland, “Siyinqaba (We are the fortress)”

You go, Swaziland.

Most whimsically DGAF

Amid a swarm of assertion, pride and galvanization, these nations’ mottoes are pretty much just like ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Bronze: Peru, “Firme y feliz por la unión (Steady and happy for the union)”
Silver: Belize, “Sub umbra floreo (Under the shade I flourish)”
Gold: 🏆Bermuda, “Quo fata ferunt (Whither the fates take us)”

Bermuda: “it’s whatever.”

Best appeal to reason over God, country and other bullshit

Because “I’m rubber and you’re glue” is the ultimate comeback
Bronze: The Czech Republic, “Pravda vítězí (Truth prevails)”
Silver: India, “Satyameva Jayate (Reason alone triumphs)”
Gold: 🏆Chile, “Por la razón o la fuerza (Through reason or by force)”

Don’t push Chile, they are close to the edge.

Most ironic historical motto in hindsight

How did that work out for you guys?
Bronze: Republic of Florence, “Regna cadunt luxu surgunt virtutibus urbes! (Fall, you kingdoms of luxury, for the cities of virtue shall thrive!)”
Silver: Austria-Hungary, “Indivisibiliter ac Inseparabiliter (Indivisibly and Inseparably)”
Gold: 🏆Confederate States of America, “Deo Vindice (Under God, Our Vindicator)”

Most life-affirming motto by a country insignificant enough to afford to basically just say “fuck it”

A few we can actually all get behind
Guatemala, Libre Crezca Fecundo (Grow Free and Fertile)”
Silver: Vietnam, “Ðộc lập, Tự do, Hạnh phúc (Independence, Freedom and Happiness)”
Gold: 🏆Kiribati, “Te mauri, te raoi ao te tabomoa (Health, Peace and Prosperity)”

When the shit hits the fan, I’ll meet you guys in Kiribati.

These are our champions for 2016. What other categories do you propose?