Things I Regretted Eating in 2015

by Jane Hu

gummy bears + diet coke

Week-old vegetable stew.

One large SkinnyLicious® sangria, avocado eggrolls, dynamite shrimp, miso salmon, fresh strawberry cheesecake, and a side orders of fries all during the first Cheesecake Factory trip of my life. 2015 was going to be the year, I told myself. I projectile vomited soon after the meal. Were we ever so young?


Last meal I shared with my ex before moving out of his apartment. (I didn’t have much of an appetite. He ate most of them.)

The words said and emails sent immediately after moving out.

Whiskey without the rocks.

trader joes
carrot cake

All the fun-sized chocolates I don’t actually remember eating at this year’s Halloween party.

Beet hummus. 🙁

One vodka martini (after a matinee screening of Spectre), followed by one glass of white, and far too much Chinese food on Thanksgiving at Oakland’s Shan Dong. I may have vomited afterwards as well.


Oreo Thins.

Dust; men like air.

Illustrations by Becky Clark

Save Yourself is the Awl’s farewell to 2015.