A Cat-Sized Chinchilla Objects to Media Narrative

by William Petrich


“’Extinct’ cat-sized Chinchilla found alive in shadows of Machu Pichu” — Jeremy Hance for Mongabay, part of the Guardian Environment Network

“This Guardian piece is pure clickbait!”
cries the cat-sized chinchilla.
“How dare they suggest our birth rate
is but a scintilla.”

“How droll, Guardian, putting ‘extinct’ in quotes,”
calls the cat-sized chinchilla,
“when my family alone would fill boats,
A whole ‘extinct’ flotilla.”

“We’re ‘found alive’ from Peru to Katmandu,”
chides the cat-sized chinchilla.
“So why does the Guardian willfully eschew
my many cousins in Anguilla?”

“And ‘cat-sized?’ Really? That’s the best you can do?”
concludes the cat-sized chinchilla,
“Well then, Mr. Hance, here’s my headline for you:
‘Succinct writer’ is man-sized Gorilla.’”

[Ed. note: The Machu Picchu arboreal chinchilla rat is probably more closely related to nutria than a true chinchilla, but that is neither here nor there.]

William Petrich sits in Washington, D.C.

Photo via