by Jake Gallagher
Jeff Koons Retrospective, The Whitney — July 25th, 4:06PM
Location: 75th St. and 5th Ave.
Length: 68 people
Weather: 81 and partly cloudy
Crowd: Diverse enough to make any Koons collector (and their wallet) swell with pride.
Mood: A despondent tourist whined to her friends. A native clutching an “I *insert giant ballon rabbit* Koons” tote smirked as she took her place at the back of the line.
Wait Time: 30–45 minutes
Lingering Question: How many visitors does it take to raise the value of a Jeff Koons work by one percent?
Sweetgreen, Nomad — July 25th, 12:24PM
Location: Broadway between 27th St. and 28th St.
Length: 8 people outside, 38 inside and ever growing
Weather: 79 and mostly sunny
Crowd: Sundressed women and bearded men. Only two people over the age of forty-five.
Mood: Jittery yet pleasant. No one would dare disrupt the Sweetgreen’s sacred organic order.
Wait Time: 17 minutes.
Lingering Question: How many calories of that salad do you burn while waiting in line?
Calexico Cart — July 28th, 12:21PM
Location: Wooster and Prince
Length: 18 people
Weather: 75 and cloudy
Crowd: 16 men, 2 women, and 18 iPhones.
Mood: Calculated distraction
Wait Time: 12 minutes.
Lingering Question: How many times can you re-read the same tweets before you finally get bored enough to look up and risk human interaction?