by Jake Swearingen
1. Without lungs or other respiratory organs, we bookworms breathe through our skin. So we’ll never hog the blankets!
2. Our skin exudes a lubricating fluid that makes it easier to move underground, as well as keeping our skin moist. But please, don’t try to borrow our lubricating fluid: we need it in order to burrow beneath the earth and your Kiehl’s is gonna be better for your T-zone anyways.
3. We bookworms really hate birds. And fishermen.
4. We are simultaneous hermaphrodites — so keep your cisgendered assumptions to yourself! That said, we do need others in order to sexually reproduce, just be prepared to be GGG in the bedroom.
5. We bookworms will consume about one-half to one times our body weight every day! So keep that fridge stocked. (Don’t worry: we’ll totally go in halfsies on groceries.)
6. We bookworms lack arms, legs or eyes. So a night at the movies? Probably not. A night in a pile of freshly tilled dirt? Yes, please!
7. We bookworms mainly thrive where there is food, a good level of moisture in the soil, oxygen and livable temperature. But the most important ingredient? Love.
8. It’s true that bookworms are cold-blooded animals — we’re the first to admit that. But view it as a positive: We need someone (maybe it’s you?) to warm us up!
9. To help aid circulation through our elongated body, bookworms actually contain five hearts — which means we have five times the love to give!
10. There are nearly 2,700 different kinds of bookworms in the world, and we’re all unique. Before you make any assumptions, try to get to know us — we may just end up surprising you!
Jake Swearingen runs the online stuff at Modern Farmer. You can find him on Twitter and in real life covered in dirt and loving it.
Photo by Sheila Sund