Spoilers for the New Season of "House of Cards"


– Frank dies.

– Peter Russo comes back to life like one of the characters in “Les Revenants,” walking out of the Potomac River and ending up at his old bachelor pad having no idea that he is dead. He is very hungry. Frank murders him again.

– Wait no Frank doesn’t die. OR DOES HE.

– Slugline collapses and Zoe is forced to post all her stories as first-person narratives on Thought Catalog. By episode 3 she’s written out of the show. (Frank murders her.)

– Claire sleeps with Remy. Frank sleeps with Remy. Zoe sleeps with Remy. Zoe’s mean editor who’s not so mean anymore sleeps with Remy.

– Frank murders Remy.

– Kate Mara, the actress who plays Zoe, has a sister named Rooney Mara, best known as the girl with the dragon tattoo in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. She makes a surprise appearance as Zoe’s sister (meta!) who is trying to investigate Zoe’s death. Her storyline is cut short in episode 6 because Frank murders her.

– Frank becomes the President after the President dies in a mysterious accident (murder).

– Claire finds out that Frank is literally murdering every character on the show. Claire murders Frank. Frank murders Claire in response.

– The season ends on a cliffhanger as Frank turns to the camera, pulls out a gun, and fires it at the camera. Everyone who watches this finale will die like in that movie The Ring.