Rick Perry Very Certain Nobody Can Do Business In California

America's Governor.

Apple, Google, Hewlett-Packard, Intel, Google, Chevron, Disney, Wells Fargo, Cisco, Oracle, KB Home, Yahoo, Qualcomm, Hilton, Oracle, eBay, Charles Schwab, Clorox, Adobe, Oracle … it seems like a lot of the world’s top companies are based in California, including more than half of the NASDAQ technology index. But Texas Governor Rick Perry is the kind of man who knows things in his heart, and he won’t let any fancy coastal-elite numbers and facts get in the way of what God tells Rick Perry in the dead of night.

That’s why Rick Perry’s comically dumb voice is featured on new radio ads aimed at getting Californians to move their businesses to the libertarian paradise of Texas — there are no laws of any kind in the entire state, except for those laws aimed at forcing women to have children and against gay people in general. (Even though the U.S. Supreme Court overturned the law a decade ago, it is still illegal for gay people to even have sex in Texas. And discriminating against gay people continues to be perfectly legal in Texas, according to state law.)

“Building a business is tough, but I hear building a business in California is next to impossible,” Perry reads clumsily from his script. Maybe he “hears” this from his DirecTV or DISH, both based in California. Wherever he heard this, it was enough for the Texas government to waste Texas taxpayer money to do this minor marketing campaign aimed at West Coast people who are tired of all this crushing regulation, good food, natural beauty, year-round delightful weather, vineyards, beaches, environmental fanaticism, sexy people, and the center of the world’s technology and entertainment industries. “Everybody with half a brain is coming to California,” Governor Jerry Brown said in response to the ad. “So Texas, come on over!”

There is a nice part of Texas where many book-learned people, artists and tech companies have assembled, but it is within the heavily regulated communist/eco-fascist mini-state of Austin.