Why Is Wussy Obama Crying All the Time?

Barack Obama smashed Mitt Romney like a plaster lawn gnome, but instead of taking a victory lap in a fighter jet, our re-elected and wildly popular president is crying all the time. Conservatives who care very much about the future of our country are asking, very seriously, “Why is Barack Obama such a wuss?”

Just look at your president, getting all teary-eyed for the second time in as many days. Maybe he will become a liberal in his second term, after all!

The Associated Press is all over this scandal:

It seems out of place: The president of the United States breaking down in tears as he thanked campaign workers for their tireless work for his re-election.

How can America tolerate this for another day? Should Obama resign now, before he shames this once-great nation again? No, it’s fine, because a Republican boozebag and a Russian semi-dictator both cry on camera. It’s okay to cry, after all:

The AP story spotlights other crying politicians, from Russian President Vladimir Putin — to Obama’s political opposite, Republican Speaker John Boehner.

As long as total jerks are doing it, we guess it’s okay for Barack Obama to get a little weepy now and then … as long as he immediately does something manly, like authorize another drone attack on poor brown kids somewhere.