Jews: Love ’em or hate ’em, you have to admit they have some great holidays, i.e. they fall on days of the year that most people don’t normally get off. So go tell your boss that you’ve got to leave early today to get home before sundown for Rosh Hashanah (pronounced: “rosh ha-sha-nah”). If your boss starts asking questions, just mutter something about “Jewish New Year” or “apples and honey” while idly fingering your imaginary payos; it works every time! Happy New Year, Jews, and Happy Fake New Year, Fake Jews. May God bless us, every one.