Our Fat Future

If you are concerned about the forecast that nearly half of the population will be obese by the year 2030, do not fret: By the year 2030 nearly half of the population will be dead, and the survivors will be so thin that the concept of obesity will become some kind of folk memory, a mythical story of an era almost impossible to conceive of, in which restaurants (another concept that will be difficult to grasp) competed against each other to see who could create the most calorie-laden gimmick sandwiches. Children’s fever dreams of fried chicken used as bread will be so vivid and disturbing that they will fall out of the trees in which they are forced to sleep for protection from the fires below. So chins up, everyone, the obesity epidemic is not going to happen.