Kinda Hot Crazy Dude In Charge of Chicago Now

Rahm Emanuel

killed them in yesterday’s election in Chicago, receiving more than twice the number of votes than the runner-up, Gery Chico, who has the name recognition of a smelly and obscure Asian fruit. (And more than six times the votes of Carol Moseley Braun, the only African-American woman to ever be elected to the U.S. Senate.) Now, Rahm will begin killin’ em for real! I almost wish I lived in Chicago, taking your Ravenswood trains and going to, uh, the Loop I guess, on pretend business. Chicago is basically The Matrix, right? That’s good, because Rahm is pretty much your Sims mayor.