Drinking Buddies For Hire

I have had a terrific time here at The Awl for the last 20 months, but unfortunately I’ve found an occupation that is more suited to my talents and an opportunity that is just too good to pass up: I am moving to the Ukraine to be a drinking buddy for hire. I’ll miss you all very much, but if you ever find yourself in Dniprodzerzhynsk call the agency and ask them to send me along. I’m super fun!