Charlie Crist Whips Out Pardon For Jim Morrison

In a move seen as an attempt to form a coalition of grizzled ’60s relics and disaffected thirteen-year-old boys, outgoing Republican Florida governor Charlie Crist said Tuesday he wanted to pardon the late Doors singer Jim Morrison for his 1970 conviction on charges of indecent exposure and profanity at a concert in Miami.

“My heart bleeds for he and his family that this may not have even ever happened, yet it’s unfortunately currently part of his record,” Crist said, proving once and for all that he’s just the kind of liberal Florida voters do not want in office. “The more that I’ve read about the case and the more I get briefed on it, the more convinced I am that maybe an injustice has been done here.”

Crist, who lost his bid for a U.S. Senate seat to Tea Party upstart Marco Rubio in this year’s election, was once known for being tough on crime. But he tacked left during his recent campaign, and some political analysts believe Tuesday’s decision may be an effort to court the wide and free-thinking fan base of Morrison, who was also known as “The Lizard King.” Some people still believe Morrison is in fact alive, and hiding out on island off the coast of Africa, waiting for just such a moment to return to the spotlight like Eddie Wilson in Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives. It has long been speculated that Crist harbors presidential ambitions.

Morrison died in 1971, before serving the six-month prison sentence he received. Here is a video of him being interviewed around the time of the trial:

Crist is doing the right thing. But if he really wants to champion Morrison as a way to become more popular with voters, he should lobby for him to receive an honorary acceptance into Florida State University. You can see how sad the future rock star was upon learning of his rejection as a teen.

Just kidding. Morrison did get into Florida State, and made that promotional film with the administration while he was there. Charlie Crist went to Florida State, too.

The End.