Understudies! Fingered By Fosse

by Julie Klausner


Julie Klausner: A big pet peeve of mine is when people confuse Bob Fosse’s stiff jazz hands for spirit fingers.

Natasha Vargas-Cooper: UGH! Jazz hands are like Lady Liberty’s crown of spikes. They make a precise statement. Spirit fingers are for RENAISSANCE FAIRE WEIRDOS.

Julie: They’re deeply sexual, Fosse’s hands, especially when you consider that he stuck his troll pole in every chorus girl.

Julie: Look at the girls in “All I Care About is Love” from ‘Chicago.’ Rolling around on the floor around Jerry Orbach? That shit is filthy.

Natasha: You’re right.

Julie: This is like the precursor to “stupid drunk chick passed out in dorm room gets fucked.”

Natasha: Sexual delirium, but, like controlled.

Julie: Of Fosse’s muses, I think Liza was the least tabula rasa.

Natasha: Well, sure! There’s so much LIZZZAH packed into Liza.

Julie: Gwen Verdon was his collaborator whereas Anne Reinking embodied that fascist precision of Fosse’s manias.

Julie: And Anne Reinking was the vessel he just filled up.

Julie: Like, creampie style.

Natasha: Anne in sparkly bowler hat of pain!

Julie: She was just glitter, legs, and teeth.

Julie: That’s the kind of mistress you have to be for Fosse, I think.

Julie: Like, “May I move my pinky now?”

Natasha: It’s like he drew her.

Julie: When she gives those hips it’s like she oiled her hinges for him.

Natasha: What psycho-sexual element are we dealing with here?

Julie: It’s that link between fascism and sexuality (and so much glitter).

Julie: That wrist flick in ‘All That Jazz’ kills me every time.

Julie: It’s like gorgeous Malcolm Mcdowell’s eyelashes wide open at the beginning of ‘Clockwork Orange’!

Natasha: OMG.

Julie: And only his foot taps.

Natasha: So sexually menacing.

All Alexs are sexy brutes

Natasha: So that’s the kind of woman you have to be, huh?

Julie: To be married to that man?

Julie: Well, ask Mrs. Coppola.

Julie: Or like, ask Sharon Tate.

Natasha: *SAD HANDS*

Natasha! Julie!