New York City, Bursting Burg of Bugs, Hatches Plan to Infest World!


So maybe this is how it ends for humanity: nibbled to death in your beds. New York City will release a very stern report today about how the bed bug epidemic is going out of control. We’re all going to look like our pal Molly in the future! So, we’ve always said that New York City was a propagator of viruses that then spread throughout the world-mostly we meant intellectual ones, but now we can lay claim to being an incubator and exporter of aggressive, life-ruining insects too. Don’t worry. In the year 2400, we’ll have achieved a symbiotic melding with the bed bugs; they’ll talk to us through our skin and provide us with oxygen in our unbreathable atmosphere, and we’ll give them dinner. Turn off your “True Blood,” because bed bugs are the only real vampires… for now.