I Probably Shouldn't Have Said All Those Bad Things

by Mel Gibson

"Sorry, everyone!"

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to folks from all walks of life who have something to get off their chests. Today a popular entertainer who has been in the news lately asks for forgiveness.

I’m not going to come out and make excuses or try to offer any kind of explanation in hopes of minimizing the terrible things you’ve heard me say on the apparently endless series of audiotapes my ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva will be releasing until the end of time. I said all those terrible things. It doesn’t matter if it was in the heat of the moment, it’s not important if I was under the influence of alcohol, I won’t try to claim that I have anger issues that made me use language that might not be the normal way I’d choose to express myself. At the end of the day, I said all those things. I fucked up bad, and I’m sorry.

I know many of you are offended, particularly Blacks, Latinos, Jews, Gypsies, Cunts, Gays, ugly men, using whores, people who prefer not to smile while performing fellatio, mothers of my children, advocates against spousal abuse, gardeners, the Irish (not yet, I know, but wait, it’s gonna come out eventually), Jodie Foster and the poor bastards at Summit Entertainment who are somehow going to have to find a way to market The Beaver, actual beavers, Jews again (trust me, there’s more) and anyone who now has RadarOnline in their browser history and does not know how to delete it. Let me say it once more: I’m deeply sorry.

The next few weeks and months will, of necessity, be a period of deep reflection on my part. Assuming I am able to stay out of prison (and, you know, thank God for LA celebrity justice; I like my chances) I will need to engage in a long and difficult journey that includes counseling, both spiritual and mental, and the painful shedding of my own inflated ego as I attempt to seek forgiveness from the actual people I’ve wronged and then the public at large. I know I don’t deserve it, but I hope you allow me some modicum of privacy as I begin this healing process.

Again, I don’t want to present any mitigating factors in my defense. And I’m not asking for any sympathy on my behalf. I did what I did and I said what I said and now I’ve got to face the consequences. Still, I do want to point out one tiny thing: I have never ever made any disparaging remarks about cripples. You gimps are all right in my book, okay? And I think that’s gotta count for something.

Thanks for listening,

Mel Gibson feels like Tequila Sunrise never got the credit it deserved for being a really good movie.