Woman Dressed In Sumo Suit Stars In Story For The Ages

And of course there was Smirnoff Ice involved

When you write the headline “Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar,” you are making a promise to readers that what comes below is going to be every bit as dazzling as advertised. Ireland’s Evening Herald keeps that promise.

First, the basic details: “Sandra Talbot (32) assaulted her ex-partner with a bottle she had hidden under her costume in a fit of rage at the George pub, after more than a year of acrimony following their break-up.”

And the personal elements.

Ms Martin told the court she was out for the first time in several months, following the death of her sister from a brain aneurysm.

She had been in an on-off relationship with Talbot for three years which had ended in March 2007. During the evening Talbot, who was wearing an inflatable sumo suit, bumped into her. When she turned around, the accused said to her: “Keep smiling, c**t.”

Eventually, the aforementioned fellow in the Snickers bar costume waved at Martin. When Martin attempted to respond with a wave of her own, Talbot grew agitated. Then, claims Martin, because why not, Talbot ICED her.

Ms Martin said she saw a Smirnoff Ice bottle fly from the defendant’s sleeve. The State solicitor said the prosecution had no evidence that a bottle was used in the assault other than Ms Martin’s word.

The accused was escorted out and had to be asked to partially deflate her costume so she could get out the door.

Talbot’s barrister Diarmuid Collins argued that it would have been impossible for the bottle to have been in her costume and fallen out as described because the suit worked on an airtight seal.

There is too much more for me to keep blockquoting at length, including the part about how Martin allegedly showed up at a Gay Pride parade with her new girlfriend in specially-designed tops, where “one woman’s T-shirt read ‘Who’s sorry now?’, and the other’s stated: ‘Sandra is,’” and Talbot’s claim that Martin had “telling lies about her on social networking websites,” so go read the whole thing yourself. It’s really something.