The Shocking Health News About Bacon

How could something so good be so bad?

I bring unfortunate tidings for everybody out there who was under the impression that bacon-the official food of the Internet-was in some way healthy. Turns out it ain’t. Science?

Eating two rashers of bacon or a sausage every day can increase your risk of heart disease by nearly half, scientists claim. Their study found meat that has been cured, salted or processed in another way can also push up the likelihood of developing diabetes. It linked the salts and chemical preservatives used on processed meat to ill health if the products are eaten regularly.

The research, from the Harvard School of Public Health, adds to previous investigations which found links between processed meats and cancers of the bowel and breast. It is hard to imagine that consuming large quantities of fatty meats that have been pumped up with a ton of sodium might somehow prove perilous, but Science does not always bring you good news. On the other hand, look at that breakfast sandwich up there. Admit it, it looks good. Particularly if you’re hungover. It looks like something that’s gonna get the job done, am I right? Sure, you could bask in the virtue of an egg white omelet, or, God forbid, a piece of fruit, but you know that as soon as you’re done you’re going to be left with a feeling of emptiness and disappointment. I mean, THINK of all the ways there are to get cancer these days. If you’re gonna go anyway, it might as well be with a salty, greasy bacon sandwich filling up your belly and soothing all those nerve receptors that-Hey, you know what? I’m gonna run down to the deli. Back in a few!